Reviving Mothers

MOVING!

2009-05-08T14:09:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys,

I am consolidating and moving ALL of my abortion commentary over to MOTHERHOOD IN REAL TIME.... sorry about any confusion but I actually think this will make things easier for most of you..

Deanna

Forgiveness!

2009-05-05T05:39:00.000-07:00

For many of us post abortive women, it is very hard for us to forgive ourselves. God loves us unconditionally and in kind we can honor Him by forgiveing others and ourselves...Mother Teresa has such a sweet demeanor that I find comforting and soothing...here she is chatting about forgiveness...

Darwin vs. Intelligent Design

2009-04-25T20:05:00.000-07:00

There is really a connection between Darwinism and abortion. There is a quest for perfection and a belief that imperfect individuals should not exist and it is somehow rational and acceptable for the weak and less fit to die by that philosophy. Offshoot of this belief is social Darwinism that led us into Eugenics and sterilization in America to as many as 60 thousand people. Intelligent design isn't really the same as creationism but is tied to it. Intelligent design assumes a creator based on the intricacies of scientific observation of bacteria, cells etc. Einstien believed in a supreme creator because of his observations in science. EInstein was never religious and was not a christian. As Christians most of us believe in the word of God that we were created by Him. And creationism is supported by the concept of Intelligent design. However, for the sake of this post I just want to discuss Darwin and intelligent design. I believe the distinction is synonomous with choice v life. If we believe we have the right to choose because we control life and the imperfect timing allows us to force power over other life that is not as strong as us. The Darwinists believe that even human life evolves. The connection to eugenics too prescribes to the belief that imperfect people should die. Frederick Osborne the president of AMERICAN EUGENICS SOCIETY said that their organization should convince us to Voluntarily Unconsciously Select to abort or sterilize ourselves. He came up with this idea because the people were not accepting the fact that they were "second rate"...His belief was if you convince people to voluntarily unconsciously select based on being told you are irresponsible and it is more merciful/compassionate to abort then their purposes would have been fulfilled. Choice is based on Darwinism and eugenics. Intelligent Design tells us that the supreme being does not make mistakes therefore each life is designed perfectly by a creator to fulfill a purpose in the universe for this place and time. In a nutshell, Planned Parenthood whose founder Margaret Sanger a well known member of the Eugenics society, was created as an organization that could promote the eugenics theory. This is why to this day 1/3 of African american babies are aborted..Planned parenthood is a darwinistic organization. Their goals are succeeding. But knowing that the CHOICE is not a choice but manipulated by Eugenicists like Frederick Osborne who wanted us to voluntarily unconsciously select to abort our kids should influence us to inspire others to truly know that abortion is created to annihilate races/poor/disabled/disadvantages. Everytime a woman says..."I am too young, too old, too poor, too sick, too irresponsible so I am choosing to abort" she is basically parroting eugenic rhetoric. I was never one to want to refute evolution etc because I was raised in a liberal home and went to schools where evolution was taught. BUt this recent discovery of mine has been eye opening. And to every one of us who have aborted and felt lied to our answer is that 'yes we have been lied to.' Abortion is a means to continue to perpetuate the darwinist/eugenics philosophy that only the perfect children should be born from perfect neighborhoods with perfect tax paying citizens who don't require economic support. As an 18 year old girl who had to support herself I totally believed and bought into the belief that because I was imperfect and timing was imperfect it was more wise to abort. Margaret Sanger said: "The most merciful thing a family can do to one of its infants is to kill it." I have heard women say 'it is more compassionate than bringing a child into the world when I can't take care of it..." My first child Aubrey was aborted because I believed I was making an independant choice...the truth is I was manipulated into believing I was voluntarily unconsciously selecting to abort my baby....TOTAL MANIPULATION not choice at all.....in my opinion this doesn't benefit women at all...

Redemption or Destruction

2009-04-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

I love my church. Today Jim Laffoon (one of our pastors)preached on "A HOMELESS GOD" and how God is looking to reside inside our hearts. He also said that most people in the world don't want God to reside inside of them on God's terms. It was a convicting sermon. Mainly, for me there were aspects that tied into the issue of choice. He referred to John 14:23 (here is John 14:14-23):

John 14:14-23 (New International Version)

14You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit
15"If you love me, you will obey what I command. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[a] in you. 18I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."

22Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, "But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?"

23Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.

Several things stick out to me regarding, abortion, the world, choices. Mainly, God wants to give to His children. But obedience through submission appears to be the one repetitive attribute that honors God. THe world is consumed with the ways of the serpent. As we reside in the world we can be consumed by it and be tempted to WANT the riches of the world. God is telling us to ask and He will give. Why do we want what is in the world? Why did Judas desire God to be shown to the world and not to HIM? God wants us to desire Him. Because He knows through Him we can be complete, fulfilled and empowered by the Holy Spirit living in us. Still, we are constantly faced with choices. There are always only two. Pastor Jim said that Christianity isn't complex but it is costly. Our choice is redemption in Christ or Destruction through the enemy. The world or the treasures of heaven. When I was faced with my CHOICE, i had little faith and didn't believe God would love me and protect and care for me. I chose destruction. Many women chose destruction. People say all the time how difficult the decision is to choose life for your baby or the abortion. I know it is difficult but it is only difficult because we refuse to obey and believe in the power of God. The decision of LIFE isn't complex but to an 18 year old girl who may pay the cost by losing her boyfriend, job, school and independence the choice of life seems costly. Being oblivious to God and consumed by the world can be an easier choice. It seems ironic that the path to destruction actually is in some ways a smoother path to walk but it is at times. When we walk with God or allow Him to reside in us we have to be willing to be refined by Him. That means reliance, dependence, trust, submission and faith. THis is something I didn't have. It is something that I am constantly working on. But I praise Him for clarity in the past several years. Our lives, whether it be about choosing to have an abortion, an affair, do drugs, drink until we are drunk, steal, murder, curse, be promiscuous are about making a decision every day to choose the redemptive Holy path or destruction.....Love is a verb...redemption, righteousness can be ours through HIM. The temptations will persist as long as we are in the world but we can be aware that the devil will dangle anything in front of us to pull us away from God. It is our choice to hang onto OUR FATHER for dear life even when the world and its leaders are tempting us away from eternity.

Christ has Risen!

2009-04-13T18:04:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog I settled on the name REVIVING MOTHERS because I really thought it was a fitting name for post abortive healing. There is a revival of sorts once we have been healed, forgiven and then forgiven ourselves. There is also an energy or momentum that occurs once the super natural healing of Christ just washes over us. It is as if although we were held down by a ton of bricks finally we could fly high and soar by His grace. So, Easter to me is so significant. My whole abortion experience came from a misunderstanding and disconnect with the true nature of God. I saw God as punitive and the crucifixion was proof to me..."HOW COULD HE KILL HIS OWN SON?" i seemed to say to myself through the years. Yes, I wore the Easter dress on Sunday but my focus was on Friday...I ignored the resurrection and was obsessed with the death. When I became pregnant, I had no faith and couldn't see into the SUNDAY that was ahead in my future. I wanted God to come and save me. IN the room aborting my baby I thought maybe God would come to my rescue. When He didn't I blamed God. But once I reached out to Him in desperation a year later...I started to see glimpses of the God that was truly all compassionate. I watched and watched as He lifted me up and allowed me to walk and sing again even with a spring in my step. When I ultimately realized what Christ's crucifixion really meant I couldn't contain my humbling shock in realizing that somehow Christ had to die for me. It wasn't fair...He was all good. I wasn't . But when I stand singing through the Easter service I can't help but cry in gratitude that HE came for me and that on Sunday HE ROSE...I had wanted to happy Disney ending and there really is one. Christ has risen and we are redeemed because of it...PRAISE HIM!

Bible Study!

2009-04-07T16:41:00.000-07:00

So, Pam and I had our bible study today. We are just realizing it may take forever to go through the bible and really grasp how it ties into the abortion issue..but already in reading Genesis we are given such insight. So, first we were given the opportunity to obey. Then Adam was supposed to be a man and obey God first not eating from the tree. The Serpent tempted Eve and Adam said "OKAY" too...In the beginning we were supposed to obey and even when given a choice to do what God specifically told us not to do...we do it...Still God is merciful but later on we just get a bit out of hand with Cain killing Abel...so eventually God starts all over with Noah (finally an obedient soul)... one of his sons Ham also sins by gabbing about the nakedness of his father Noah who had a little too much of his homemade wine..Later Babel is created and these crazy people think they can get to God by building a tower to heaven ....God confuses them by mixing up the language. But the part we really thought was funny was Abram's explanation to Sarai as to why she had to pretend to be his sister:

Genesis 12 Abram in Egypt
10 Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram went down to Egypt to live there for a while because the famine was severe. 11 As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, "I know what a beautiful woman you are. 12 When the Egyptians see you, they will say, 'This is his wife.' Then they will kill me but will let you live. 13 Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you."

14 When Abram came to Egypt, the Egyptians saw that she was a very beautiful woman. 15 And when Pharaoh's officials saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh, and she was taken into his palace. 16 He treated Abram well for her sake, and Abram acquired sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, menservants and maidservants, and camels.

17 But the LORD inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Abram's wife Sarai. 18 So Pharaoh summoned Abram. "What have you done to me?" he said. "Why didn't you tell me she was your wife? 19 Why did you say, 'She is my sister,' so that I took her to be my wife? Now then, here is your wife. Take her and go!" 20 Then Pharaoh gave orders about Abram to his men, and they sent him on his way, with his wife and everything he had.

I guess it never dawned on Abram that he was putting his wife in a precarious situation. Later, Sarai in disbelief to God's prophesy insists that Abram go to Hagar instead....Abram LISTENS ...again like Adam not simply obeying God but caving to his wife's requests...anyhow, again Sarai though didn't really believe or have faith..POINT IS...there is a pattern of us having a lack of faith and disobedient nature from the beginning...and men and women being far from the heart of God. We had to laugh though at the end of the 18th book because it was like a funny sitcom:

13 Then the LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' 14 Is anything too hard for the LORD ? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."

15 Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, "I did not laugh."
But he said, "Yes, you did laugh."
She tries to deny to God that she laughed but the funny thing was that God showed a sense of humor too and says "you did laugh."

On a serious note it is just like us to believe we can truly plan our family better than God. Sarah is in disbelief so gets a surrogate. We can be so impatient as women especially when biology tells us it can't happen. Still all things are possible. I have a couple of friends who had their first children at 45 and I have a few friends still waiting at that age....I think if we quiet our hearts and hear from HIM clearly then we need to remain steadfast in HIS will and promise to us...Waiting for HIS TIME can be grueling and it is tough when we start to doubt whether we are hearing from Him when it comes to our children...but what is He telling us in our quiet times? Is He saying.."you will conceive a child" or is it Him that is telling us to adopt, get a surrogate or sponsor a child some other way...Or is He leading us down some other path? Either way it comes down to obedience....what is He telling us? When there are a million choices in front of us and yet we know what God has told us...are we tempted to somehow deny God's command for us in lieu of the choices that look good but are truly the path to something wicked...? I want to try to listen more and truly HEAR Him in this wilderness that is our crazy world....

2009-04-01T17:50:00.000-07:00

Satan and Eve..

2009-04-01T15:49:00.000-07:00

So I posted a video on YouTUBE and GodTUBE. I am realizing that there are some anti christian individuals that reside on YOUTUBE. But I am not surprised...So I posted a video called EVE'S CHOICE. And a guy named satan666 commented and then a guy named Chris who is a christian apologetics guy committed some online chivalry at my defense. I sent Chris a note telling him that all of his Christian brothers here in my neighbohood that are in my life thank him.

I knew Sunday night that we had hit a nerve and found the crux of all of the attacks on mothers in general when we came upon Genesis 3:15. I went to bed Sunday night so relieved as if there had been a veil removed from my eyes. I had been asking for years "WHY is there such an attack against mothers and their children?" And that scripture in Genesis is the foundation for all of the biblical stories that follow regarding mothers, women, child sacrifice etc...So, I was so happy to have discovered that. I also had realized that with this new vision came a certain momentum regarding this subject...and lo and behold on Tuesday SATAN (the youtube one) answered. THe beauty of it though is God had me so prayed up from a weekend of prophetic worship that I felt protection. So, the lesson learned is to ALWAYS be prayed up. Also, when you discuss and reveal the core of the battle you can start to attempt to join the battle to dismantle it...but when you do, that means you are a soldier in the war.

The response to the video basically was also biblical...satan will attempt to strike our heels or immobilize us. He will bring forth venom to convince us to disengage, be complacent, silent and wounded. But the scripture also says "HE (meaning Eve's offspring) will crush the serpents head." The Holy Spirit enlivens us and inspires us. I never planned or wanted to speak out about abortion. I was like many post abortive women who had vowed to remain silent and wounded my entire life. But when the Lord called me to speak, His light on the subject started to shine through to touch people and also really annoy some that are comfortable in darkness. All I want is to listen to the Lord and His call on my life...As I look around in this world..it is getting ugly with more and more children being murdered, mothers who disconnect or are tempted by lies to kill their children and mothers who survive shriveling in the darkness of their own rooms in despair.....I believe their babies are in the arms of Jesus but I am so worried about the women sinking into the abyss because of a nest of lies given to them by the serpent who claims he can give them empowerment....I pray that those who can't get out of their houses to talk about it can at least make it to their laptops or computers to learn they are not alone in their pain and that God is calling them back into the Light to experience true EMPOWERMENT THAT ONLY COMES THROUGH JESUS CHRIST....

Eve's Choice-Annihilating Mothers

2009-03-30T12:03:00.000-07:00

So, why is there all of this crazy battling over our children and the souls of the mothers anyhow? In my quest to get to the heart of the matter I sought out the best expert resource I could find, the bible. My friend Pam and I let the Holy Spirit lead us. We didn’t know where to begin. I had it in my heart to start with Jezebel or maybe study Esther or other female characters in the bible. I knew that the topic of abortion, sex trafficking, pornography had come from evil and was of satan but somehow I hadn’t even considered going to where it all began, in the beginning. Pam and I read Proverbs 31 and were led to Genesis. I am really glad I didn’t go on a rabbit chase with all of the other biblical stories first. In reading Genesis 1-3, I really had an epiphany. The devil has been wanting to destroy women since the beginning of time. This may be obvious to many people but this was the first time I had read the book from the perspective of the annihilation of the woman and her children.

So Adam is there all content in paradise. God had commanded Adam to stay away from the Tree of Knowledge (Genesis 2:17). God decides that in order to take care of the beautiful garden that Adam with need a helper which He will make out of Adam’s rib. Adam lived with his beautiful helper (woman)blissfully innocent about evil and they don’t even know what shame was. All is happy and good. The devil comes into the garden in the form of a serpent and the serpent tells the woman that she should eat the fruit from the tree because then she would be ‘like God, knowing good and evil.” She gives into temptation and eats the fruit and in fact somehow convinced Adam that it was perfectly fine to eat from the tree. So then immediately they do know the difference for the first time ever between good and evil. And it is not good. All of the sudden they have shame and start to cover themselves or hide parts of themselves from eachother.

So God is walking in the garden and can’t find the man. He then discovers the man is hiding from Him. He figures out that Adam disobeyed His orders and actually did eat from the tree. Adam confesses that the woman talked Him into it. Then God curses the serpent with these words which are the key to all the problems we are facing now. God says to satan Genesis 3:15 “I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers…”. So, from the beginning there has been a battle between the devil (and his offspring of demons and unbelievers) and Eve who is the mother of all the living including Jesus. Jesus the offspring of Eve is the chosen one sent by God to offer an opportunity to eternal life to all who believe in Him. So the devil and eve continue to fight. Eve’s first choice was to take the fruit or obey God and have faith in God. She had never been introduced to evil before this so was easily persuaded although she did know that God told her not to eat from the fruit.

This battle continues. When a woman is faced with an unplanned pregnancy she is given a choice. The devil says to her “this will empower you and surely God will not want you to keep this baby when you are so young, unemployed…this is a wiser choice.” Abortion then kills one of Christ’s children and then the devil tries to annihilate the woman too who isolates herself and hides from God in her shame believing in a lie that God will never forgive her. Many times the devil succeeds as some women never turn to Jesus and spiral down into the abyss. But when the woman turns to the Lord in spite of her devastation her soul is saved to be reunited with her baby who is indeed in the arms of the Lord in heaven.
Still the devil is in hot pursuit to kill the children of God. His devices are abortion, sex trafficking with stealing children from mothers, pornography or any other demonic scheme that will take the offspring of eve out of heaven and into a burning eternal hell.

So the battle continues repeatedly throughout the bible. We end up in a world full of sin rather than the idyllic Eden and therefore constantly battle…

in romans 7:18-20 Paul says “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do. No, the evil I do not want to do---this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”

This is the same dilemma and struggle that Eve dealt with in the Garden of Eden. But the distinction and salvation is Christ embodied also in the Holy Spirit. God used the sacrifice of one of eve’s offspring JESUS to grant everlasting life to all of the other children of God who abide by the laws of the Spirit…

Romans 8 1-3
Life Through the Spirit
1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.[c]

So as believers reconciled with God it is up to us to abide not by our sinful natures but instead by the law of the Holy Spirit..

Romans 8-12-16Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.[g] And by him we cry, "Abba,[h] Father." 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

The Holy Spirit unites with our spirit and proclaims us to be Chilren of God…looking back into genesis 3:15

He does say to the serpent
15 And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring [a] and hers;

But it also says
He (the offspring…Jesus and those of us that the spirit has called us sons of God) will crush [b] your head, or IN JESUS WE CAN KILL THIS EVIL SERPENT THAT IT STRYING TO DESTROY US….and ti also says that the devil will strike his heel…the devil may be able to attack the heels of the sons of God but the son of God will win when he squashes the head of satan..

So eve made her choice….her children were and are targets but in the end God was merciful granting those children eternal life in spite of Eve’s bad choice…as long as we cling to THE SPIRIT there will be no condemnation and eternal life for all of eve’s offspring who have grabbed hold of the law of the Spirit through their brother JESUS CHRIST… AMEN! (there is also video commentary on the subject at http://www.motherhoodinrealtime.com

The Saves You Don't See

2009-03-22T20:00:00.001-07:00

Check out my new video that I posted on http://www.motherhoodinrealtime.com

Did You Kill Your Baby? (talking to your kids about your abortion)

2009-03-21T19:11:00.000-07:00

So, one of the most difficult thing about finally coming out as a post abortive woman is trying to tell your kids about it. I had told my 17 year old and 11 year old kids this year and they were great and understanding about it. I decided not to talk to my other kids because they were too young and there was also a language barrier due to their only being here a year. My other children are Grace (10), Ella (7), Jared (6) from Ethiopia and Matea (3) from Guatemala. So, this week as a part of the 40 days of LIfe I spent a few minutes praying at the abortion clinic while Grace, and Ella were in the car. There is only one sign at the clinic and when I returned to the car Grace said "Mom...what Women's Health Org?" Mark and I had talked about how we would like to start talking to them about sex but in age appropriate terms. I wanted to wait because I wanted them to understand english a little better....Still, when she asked I told her why I was praying. I told her in our country there are some laws that are not nice and are not what God likes so we pray for them to change. I told them that we have one law that will let women have their babies taken from them and then not live. I also told them in super elementary terms about KISSING and waiting for your husband. So, that was the conversation and after the girls went "YUCK." when I mentioned kissing..that was it...

So two days go by. Today we are having lunch at home. Andrew my 11 year old (who knew about the abortion) was in the room as well as Matea and the two girls (Grace and Ella)...The kids started this crazy crazy funny conversation on their own about Obama and how they don't like him because he isn't nice to little babies....Then as I was walking into the kitchen they said "Mom why does Obama not like babies." (we had had a conversation in December about why I didn't like Obama and I had to tell them about abortion in those very loose terms...Obama not being nice to babies because of the born alive bill and loose abortion laws)...So again I had to talk a little about abortion. I made a judgement call and just felt like I needed to start the dialogue since they were asking....we continued to eat our lunch. Then Ella very innocently looks up at me with a smile and says "Mommy did you kill your baby?" The pause felt like 20 minutes. Andrew was looking at me...they all were as in my mind I wanted to lie and lie but I knew that Andrew knew the truth and I had to have them trust that I would tell the truth. So I told them that when I was a teenager and didn't know any better I thought that law was okay but now I know that God's law is the most important and abortion is against God's law. I told them that was why I pray there. THen Ella said "you killed your baby?" Again pause and total dread in my mind...I told her God had forgiven me and that in our family we will always want our babies to live etc...and that is why we don't kiss boys until we are married etc....Matea (whose mother was only 14) said "My mom didn't kill me." Another knife in my heart. I told her that we were so happy that in Guatemala they didn't have the law that her mom could do that...and that we will work hard to make sure mothers keep babies here....and make America learn about God's law etc...

So, it is interesting because I can post videos about my abortion to the world. I have no problem talking in front of the world about it but it was really hard talking to my kids about this especially the ones who don't really 'get it'. They are really too young to grasp it so I know the conversation won't really be finished for a few years....It also dawned on me that had Matea's mom been allowed to abort her and if our MEXICO CITY POLICY money had gone to support her abortion that she may not be here with us....humbling...It is humbling to be in the moment when you know your kids realize that you are far from perfect and indeed sinful....So, I pray they can grasp it and know Jesus forgives....

I

Motherhood in Real Time!

2009-03-17T21:14:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

I am going to eventually be sending this blog to a new blog called MOTHERHOOD IN REAL TIME..I have a book called TO BE A MOTHER to be released in July and will morph both my injera hotdog blog and this one together. In the meantime, I have added a video button on the side for you to preview my abortion commentary....

Future Glory! Creation's Birth!

2009-03-13T18:12:00.000-07:00

Romans 8: 19-39
¹⁹The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. ²⁰For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope ²¹that^i]">[i] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

I love reading Romans 8. There is so much about it that is applicable as well as encouraging for me today. First off, I often wonder why God's creation exists in the first place. I often say to myself 'if things were so great in Heaven why did God create us?" That isn't to say that I don't think Heaven isn't an idyllic place. It is just to say that I wonder WHY???? Why do we exist on this creepy place called earth? In fact, so many times i feel that I am an alien here waiting to go back home to Heaven. Still in the scripture it says that 'creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice..." Creation itself was frustrated by the separation from God while waiting post birth to its decay(death or death of itself) until it can experience "glorious freedom of the children of God" It waits until the sons of God are revealed. In other words, is it possible to interpret the scripture to mean that creation itself experienced a birthing process in obedience to the creator although it wasn't by "its own choice". Perhaps creation itself had to suspend its own will in order to be obedient to the Father.

²²We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? ²⁵But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

²⁶In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. ²⁷And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

So, "the whole creation groans in childbirth". There is a natural desire to find and be whole again once our salvation is birthed through the son of God and we are then redeemed. And key to all of this is the knowing and understanding that there is life that exists inside of us that is mysterious but nevertheless connected to our eternal Father. Embracing and connecting with that Holy Spirit is so key because we can truly communicate with our Father in a language and understanding that is even beyond us as we reside in this unfamiliar home.

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,^j]">[j] who^k]">[k] have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. ³⁰And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

God knew all of us and predestined us to be His before birth and He called us and Justified us....

³¹What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³²He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."^l]">[l] ³⁷No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

^{I honestly don't know how any of us can travel past our sins without the Lord. There is no condemnation with Jesus. There is in fact intercession and we are connected back to our true home via the Holy Spirit. We struggle here today with tough economy, difficulties paying our mortgages, unsure of our jobs, not knowing what the future holds for us. Will the world leave us destitute? Will our worldly situations leave us jobless and hopeless and feeling helpless? With the one who delivers creation from bondage into eternal life we are 'more than conquerers" from the decay that is occuring all around us. There have been times recently that I haven't even known how to pray. I simply have to say "Lord, i need you." He tells us that He works for those who love Him. I guess my prayer and hearts desire is to know how to love Him enough to just only long for union with Him and forget and suspend any kind of belief in this worldly so called reality. Through His love we can conquer it all...My prayer is to long for Him alone and be so focused on Him and believe in what I cannot see more than what I can....And truly believe in the promises of this scripture..}

³⁸For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^m]">[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Knitted!

2009-03-11T19:42:00.000-07:00

Jer_1:4-5; " How the word of the Lord came unto me, saying: Before I formed you in the belly I knew you, and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you.."

Scripture tells us that we are 'known' by the Lord prior to conception. Isn't it amazing? Before we are born we are sanctified by the Lord. Incredible! The above scripture is the one many use to give us comfort in believing that the aborted children are safe in the Father's hands in Heaven. It is also interesting that the Lord knew us prior to coming into our mother's belly. I will say that I believe the child I aborted (Aubrey) truly had an identity that even I knew and felt. When I conceived Samantha God gave me an experience of feeling her presence even before conception and then witnessing the moment her spirit came into my body. I know it is unusual but i honestly felt her enter my body and God showed me that he fused our souls together. I believe He did that to truly show me the power of conception and birth.

God knits us into the womb.

Psa_139:13-16; "Truly you have formed my most being: you knit me in my mother's womb. I give you thanks that I am fearfully, and wonderfully made; wonderful are your works."

I really don't know how God can be any clearer than these two scriptures. Why should we believe in the Sanctity of Life? Because it is clearly stated in scripture. And when God creates something we don't assume it is our RIGHT OR CHOICE to just be able to tear it apart. Imagine the Lord God is standing before you knitting something . Do we have the right to take it and rip it apart? Do we have the legal choice to complain about it not being perfect? I believe that if the Lord hands us a sweater to wear that He knitted we don't say "i don't like the color. I am not ready to wear that sweater, maybe a few years later you can knit me a sweater. I don't want to wear the sweater it will make me look fat or change my style." God has created each life to be unique. We humble ourselves to take His gifts because even when they are unplanned or not wanted by us they are still HIS PLANS for us....God knits life. God knits situations for us and asks us to suspend our plans and image and timing for HIS. What is incredible is that even when we do take the knitting needles out of His hands and rip apart the threads and throw His gift in the garbage, He still forgives us and loves us.......Still, I have learned from the gravest mistake of my life that when God hands me something He has knitted I will wear it proudly even if it doesn't fit, isn't the right color or is missing a sleeve. We are fearfully and wonderfully made and should celebrate each and every stitch God the Heavenly Knitter....

Returning to the scene of the Crime!

2009-03-07T18:23:00.000-08:00

So, as many of you know the abortion I had years ago was in Orlando. This was when I was performing at DisneyWorld as a singer. I eventually couldn't work post abortion due to stress and inability to cope. THe first time i returned was about 15 years after the abortion. On that one trip I conceived my son Andrew while down here. On Tuesday, I am surprising my kids with a trip to Disney. I am also going to be meeting with the man that hired me 27 years ago. He will also be meeting my kids. He doesn't know why I really quit and I don't think I will tell him on Tuesday. Still, I am touched that I will be visiting with 5 of my 6 kids. There is something really surreal about visiting with them. I also feel a sense of total closure about it. I also feel totally blessed and humbled to be walking down main street with my kids. This year I finished writing my book (going to be edited next month) and gave my testimony for the first time. I also had a memorial for my daughter Aubrey. So this visit to Disney with my children from Africa who as of last year thought an escalator was the most exciting ride they had ever seen, is really a gift. I also have been able in the past few months to remember the authentic joy I had with this job. I loved working there. It is incredible to realize that at one time both my most joyous moments of working and singing in the sun and my worst moment of killing my baby occured in the same place and time. So strange that feelings of genuine happiness and immobilizing pain can overcome you in the span of a few months......So, I will be there Tuesday. I expect to have a great time. i expect to walk through main street remembering the joy as I see the joy in my kids eyes. I am happy that I can walk through those streets sincerely appreciating where I am now.....healed through Jesus and really being able to "sing as in the days of my youth" Hosea 2:15....thanks to the Lord above...

Post Abortion FACTS!

2009-03-04T19:07:00.000-08:00

I pulled this info from the the website ABORTION FACTS. After the abortion I had I felt relieved and simultaneously devastated. There are studies that show that it is possible to experience these two conflicting feelings simultaneously post abortion. I also was suicidal and honestly was not prone to those feelings prior to the abortion. I couldn't cope afterwards and eventually quit my dream job at Disney because i was so depressed I just couldn't keep singing happy songs while I felt so devastated. I also developed insomnia. I also had nightmares when i did sleep. Here are some answers to some questions regarding post abortion symptoms and feelings. Many women think they are the only ones experiencing these feelings but I was actually text book and had many of the common post abortion symptoms. It is important to note that psychologists are told that this syndrome is not a fact. And most psychologists or psychiatrists will try to work the woman to believing that she shouldn't feel depressed or guilty but should learn to accept that this was her right and she did nothing wrong.....or they will prescribe drugs only until she accepts her actions and can "get over" her feelings of guilt by denying she did anything wrong at all.

What is Post Abortion Syndrome (PAS)?

Many women are very ambivalent about getting aborted but do go ahead. Those around her told her (and she told herself) that it wouldn’t bother her. When symptoms occur, she tells herself it can’t be the abortion causing them, and then into play come her two major psychological defense mechanisms:

Repression and Denial.

For some this works successfully. For others it shades off to manageable distress, to severe and life-changing upset and even to suicide.

There is a delay?

Yes! Her initial response in most cases is a feeling of relief. Then, with repression and denial, she avoids the problem, usually for years —5 years is common, 10 or 20 not unusual.

But then, for some, the negative feelings bubble up and break through. Often the precipitating event is: she has a baby, or a close friend or relative has a baby that she has close contact with. She finds out she is sterile, or other life-changing events.

What are the symptoms of PAS?

Guilt is ever present in many guises, along with regret, remorse, shame, lowered self-esteem, insomnia, dreams and nightmares, flash backs, anniversary reactions. There often is hostility, and even hatred, toward men. This can include her husband, and she may be-come sexually dysfunctional. Crying, despair and depression are usual, even at times with suicide attempts.

Recourse to alcohol or drugs to mask the pain is frequent, sometimes leading to sexual promiscuity. There is also a numbing and coldness in place of more normal warmth and maternal tenderness.

Is this due to religious guilt feelings?

Perhaps in some it is a factor, but most women re-ported on in the early studies were unchurched at the time.

Perhaps they had seen pictures of fetuses?

Again, not most. Most did not know "it" was a "baby" when they aborted.

But I’ve heard that the American Psychological Association says that PAS doesn’t exist.

This group has been strongly pro-abortion, and this definitely colors its thinking. But during the past decade or more, there have been dozens of national conferences on PAS. There are many professional articles and about 15 books adding more and more authentication to its existence and knowledge about it. Further, every one of the almost 4,000 pro-life pregnancy help centers in the U.S. now has found that an increasing percentage of their time is now devoted to treating PAS women.

But so many studies deny PAS.

True, and most are invalid for two reasons:

(1) Timing: Most studies have investigated feelings for only a few weeks or months post abortion when she is still feeling relief that her problem is gone. Since the delay before PAS symptoms intrude is often 5 years or more, these studies are invalid.

(2) Superficiality: Her repression and denial push this deep into her subconsciousness. If the survey is done by questionnaire or single interview, she routinely denies problems. These studies are invalid. Only by lengthy psychological testing and counseling can she often admit to some symptoms, much less tie them to the abortion she so desperately wants to forget.

You mean most studies miss PAS?

But most polls show few emotional problems — only a sense of relief! Yes, but "What women really feel at the deepest level about abortion is very different from what they say in reply to questionnaires." A Canadian study polled a group of women who had previously completed a questionnaire in which they denied having problems from an abortion. One half of this group was randomly chosen for in-depth psychotherapy." What emerged from psychotherapy was in sharp contrast [to the questionnaires], even when the woman had rationally considered abortion to be inevitable, the only course of action." It was demonstrated that the conscious, rationalized decision for an abortion can co-exist with profound rejection of it at the deepest level. Despite surface appearances, abortion leaves behind deeper feelings "invariably of intense pain, involving bereavement and a sense of identification with the foetus." I. Kent et al., "Emotional Sequelae of Elective Abortion," British College of Med. Jour., vol. 20, no. 4, April 1978 I. Kent, "Abortion Has Profound Impact," Family Practice News, June 1980, p. 80

Are there valid studies?

Yes, and two meta-analyses: James Rogers, who carefully examined over 400 published studies, pointed to the almost universal use of "poor methodology and research design" and "grossly substandard power characteristics." He concluded that "the question of psychological sequelae of abortion is not closed." J. Rogers et al., "Validity of Existing Controlled Studies Examining the Psychological Sequelae of Abortion," Perspectives on Science and Christian Faith, vol. 39, no. 1, Mar. 1987, pp. 20-29 49

Another concurred that existing research is methodologically flawed and that women who abort show more negative outcomes than those who deliver their babies. E. Posavac et al., "Some Problems . . . Psychological Effects of Abortion," Psychology & He

Does it ever lead to suicide?

Suicide is rare among pregnant women, but much more common after induced abortion. It is never re-ported under maternal mortality from abortion, of course, even though it is causative.

"The suicide rate after an abortion was three times the general suicide rate and six times that associated with birth.... the rate for women following a live birth was 5.9 per 100,000; following miscarriage 18.1; following abortion 34.7." They note that women frequently get short term "post-natal blues after having a baby, but that this rarely translates into suicide, and that the initial stress of having a child is transitional, the over-all effect having a positive effect on women’s health." M. Gissler, Abortion/Suicide Link,Br. Med. J., Dec. 6, 1996

Then it is rare among pregnant women?

In Abortion: Questions & Answers your authors de-tail 5 studies clearly showing this. One comment may suffice: "The fetus in utero must be a protective mechanism. Perhaps women are reluctant to take another life with them when they do this."

How about after abortion?

In the above book your authors also give the findings of Suiciders Anonymous, and that: suicide post-abortion is several times more common than post-delivery. British Medical Jour., 1996

What of Psychosis afterwards?

This has not changed since Dr. M. Sims’ original paper. He stated that, compared to post-delivery disturbances, post-abortion psychoses are much more serious, last longer, and are more likely to recur. They are more often the "hard" cases. M. Sim, "Abortion and the Psychiatrist," British Med. Jour., vol. 2, 1963, pp. 145-148

How about an example from a non-Christian culture?

In Japan, where abortion has been legal and accepted for over four decades, a common custom is to conduct Mizuyo Kuyo services in honor of the god Jizo. This god has been made the patron saint of infants who died of starvation, abortion, or infanticide. Small baby statues, in his honor, are bought and dressed. Then, in a Buddhist Temple, rites of sorrow and reconciliation are carried out.

Does abortion have any negative effects on her other children?

In some cases a definite "Survivor Syndrome" has been demonstrated. Children usually know that mother is pregnant. They also know when she "gets unpregnant." This may cause Survivor’s Syndrome, similar to that of Jews who survived the holocaust. It is an irrational but real guilt at "why was I saved and why were they killed." Dr. Ney has written about this. Dr. Edward Sheridan of Georgetown University has observed also a fear and mistrust of the mother. Originally, a small child, sensing a sibling’s arrival, doesn’t welcome it. "When the baby suddenly disappears, the frightened child may get a warped sense of his own power to ‘will people away.’ Or, if he knows that his mother was an active agent in doing away with the sibling, he begins to fear her." A simple explanation of this was published in: L. Bond, "The Surviving Sibling," Nat’l RTL News, Sept. 25, 1986.

It is also closely associated with child abuse: Dr. Phillip Ney, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Christ Church, New Zealand, and of later at

the University of Calgary, Canada, while still at the University of British Columbia, published a widely read study of this. His analysis clearly pointed to the fact that abortion (and its acceptance of the violence of killing the unborn) lowered a parent’s psychic resistance to violence and abuse of the born. P. Ney, "Relationship Between Abortion & Child Abuse," Canada Jour. Psychiatry, vol. 24, 1979, pp. 610-620

Is there treatment for PAS?

Yes, but it is not easy. We first must note that only a few doctors are sensitized to the necessary dynamics of treatment. Specifically, most psychiatrists and psychologists aren’t much help, nor are psychotropic drugs. This requires a gradual healing process, and during it she must have ongoing close emotional support from one or several people who do not have to be trained professionals.

As of the late 1990s, the place to start is your pro-life pregnancy help center. They can either work with her themselves and/or will know who can.

Basically, there are five steps to the healing process:

(1) Counter the denial. Bring this back into her consciousness and admit she was a party to killing her own baby.

She must grieve over her lost child — tears, mourning as for another loved one.

(3) Seek Divine forgiveness. This was not expected but seems essential for almost every woman.

(4) Forgive others. Difficult, again, but some of this is needed to complete the healing and get rid of her long repressed anger.

(5) Forgive herself. Not many get this far, but those who do have real inner peace. What is absolutely crucial at every step in the above is compassionate empathy, support and understanding from one or more persons around her. J. Willke, P.A.S. Five Steps on How You Can Help, Life Issues Connector, Mar. 1996

AND I have to add...that there has been nothing that has convinced me more of the power of Jesus than having Him be there through my healing and teaching me to forgive myself by accepting the forgiveness He gave me through His sacrifice....

An hour of 40 DAYS! Remembering my sidewalk experience in 1981!

2009-03-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

So the event that is going on now is 40 days for life. Today my friend Beth and I met our other friend Pam at a clinic in Raleigh. It was a slow day. I find most abortions end up being later in the week so the women can recover and be back to work after the weekend. Still, it is really a humbling experience to stand in front of a clinic while women are inside aborting their babies. We saw only one woman who arrived in a car with a man and a pit bull. They drove in seemingly very self assured. The woman couldn't get in the door and asked if it was open. I asked if she had an appointment. She said she was there for an ultrasound. It took a second but I then told her there was a place down the street for a free ultrasound. She said to Pam that it could save her 100 dollars. Still she tried the door again. I called down the street to the crisis pregnancy center which I had added to my speed dial. They had someone there to perform an ultra sound but she ended up getting into the clinic. We could feel the oppression and Beth and I could also physically smell a demonic stench even though we were on opposite sides of the building. It sort of would waft our way. I thought it could be some foul smell left there but it was weird and intermittent.

Here is an excerpt from my book (being edited) called TO BE A MOTHER...about my walk into the clinic :

It was hot in Orlando. It was May. My boyfriend dropped me off at the front door. The clinic faced a really busy street and the door that you had to enter in was in the back of the building. I was 19, confused and desperate to keep my job. My boyfriend was the only one who knew I was pregnant. I was about 8 or 9 weeks pregnant. I had Mondays off from my singing and dancing job at the famous theme park near by. I would have to sing again on Friday after calling in sick for 3 days. At least I would still be able to support myself with my job once the abortion was over. I didn’t like the idea of heading back to Rockford as a pregnant teen. So John dropped me off by the front door not knowing I had to walk around to the back entrance. I had to talk him into coming back later to pick me up. It was 1981. I didn’t have a cell phone and had to just guess what time would work for him to pick me up. He said he’d be back in the front in a few hours. It was his day off too and he had things to do.

There was a sidewalk on the side of the building and one in the back of the building by the parking lot. The sidewalk looked similar to the one on 15th Street in Rockford. My head was down. I walked slowly. I wanted to turn around but there was no car for me to get into and I was far from home. The clinic staff made me prepay and I thought weirdly too that meant I shouldn’t waste my money and had to go through with the abortion. There were palm trees instead of oak trees and sand in the cracks on the sidewalk. I saw a lizard skitter by. I saw a few palmetto bugs and watched as a wayward seagull picked at the crumbs on the sidewalk. A car whizzed by playing loud Foreigner music “I Wanna Know What Love Is.” The walk from the front of the building to the back door was the hardest walk I have ever had to take. My legs felt like giant tree trunks rooted to a place that I wanted to stay stuck in. I didn’t want to move and had to force each step. There was a thumping in my head and I could feel sweat down my back from the morning sickness, heat, reluctance and dread. I was nauseas and dizzy. “Step on a crack, break your mothers back.” The childhood rhyme was there as I glared down at the pavement with my blurry eyes. “Someone please save me!” cried out from my soul. No one was there. The Foreigner car had passed and I saw no one else on the side of the building. I knew about the people who would come and hold the signs of aborted babies. I hated them and wished there were people who really cared about me and really wanted to help rather than protest. But I became oddly angrier when I didn’t see them there. I knew that my opinion of them was valid. “See? They couldn’t even bother with showing up today on the one day that I could have used a naysayer.” Even though I didn’t like them I longed to be whisked away, taken away from my delirious choice and released nine months later with a baby on my chest. I also simultaneously didn’t want any interaction with them at all. My blue Jelly sandals imprisoned my bare feet as they brushed the ground over the cracks and around the corner. I looked both ways wondering where they were. Where were the protesters? They were nowhere to be found. I was totally alone now pacing over cracks ruminating in my decision. Then I heard a ringing from the bells hanging on the inside of the clinic door and a “Coming in?” A man in a white medical jacket had opened the door of the clinic and was gallantly waving me in. I looked up from the cracks and walked in.

Walking out 3 hours later was another thing altogether. A hand grabbed the knob. It was mine. The ringing commenced as the bells banged against the glass while the door opened. I squinted as the sun blasted into the glazed and teary eyes. It was surreal. The legs were no longer rooted like tree trunks. There was no spine. My back felt broken just a ripped up shell unable able to contain the vital parts of itself. The knees were wobbly. I was disconnected from my body, shivering and feeling as if I could have been pushed over by a light Florida breeze. My legs somehow took me down the sidewalk. I was watching myself from afar. I felt as if I belonged somewhere else. I felt as if I didn’t want to be connected or thrust back into that body and reality. I didn’t want to fall back into the body that was now incomplete without the life that had been growing inside of it for 8 weeks. I walked out alone again with no one there to help me creep the sidewalk. It started to rain one of those Florida rainbow rains. The sun was shining, a brief cloud, warm rain but I couldn’t lift my head and didn’t care if I saw a rainbow. I felt the rain and was chilled by it. It was 85 degrees outside. I waited thinking it was odd that they wanted us to bring our own socks to wear while we had an abortion in case our feet became cold. Eventually John showed up, got out of the car, opened the door for me and helped me in. He never did step foot on the sidewalk.

What do Abortionists do in their spare time?

2009-02-20T15:45:00.000-08:00

I know this is sort of a sick post but today I was just minding my business when i saw a guy who looked like George Tiller ordering a Starbucks. George Tiller is a notorious abortionist in Kansas known for his late term abortions. I saw a video of him where he actually admitted to performing abortions up to the day before the due date. My other blog is my family blog where I like to keep most of my happy posts. Here I have the opportunity to vent as a post abortive woman.

So, as I was watching this guy my mind just went off. It took awhile for me to order my decaf skinny grande caffe mocha. I watched as the Tiller look alike placed 3 packets of sugar in his coffee. He had a paper under his arm and smiled at me. I wondered if George Tiller wakes up in the morning and grabs a Carmel machiato on his way to abort the babies. Does he text his wife as she asks him to pick up the dry cleaning? Does he plan vacations to places in NY where he goes to watch a broadway show and no one knows who he is or what he does? Does he have any hobbies like running or swimming laps? Does he have a favorite football team? I imagine his world beyond aborting babies is filled with many other interests. I would like to think he stays up nights haunted by what he is doing. But I seriously doubt he is. I always am fascinated what evil looks like in the real world. There is no subtext or evil music scoring like in the movies where you would know the evil is coming. In our world we may be rubbing elbows with people who think that injecting a letal needle into the heart of a nine month baby in utero is just all in a days work. There was a woman once that I watched on TV that is convicted for killing her adopted daughter in an uncontrollable rage. She is in jail for 50 years. She admits that she has no idea what came over her and regrets killing her one child. i don't condone what she did but I could see honest remorse and serious regret in her eyes, tone and heart. I aborted my baby too years ago during a time of irrational indecision. I eventually was rehabilitated, transformed and forgiven by God.

George Tiller may kill thousands of babies in his lifetime and continue to read the paper to follow his stocks, shop at Macy's for a new tie and attend a fund raiser for breast cancer and write his abortion money charitable contribution in his tuxedo while the woman who snapped sits in her cell for her lifetime. I wonder if the man who aborted my baby went scuba diving in florida after he aborted Aubrey. I wonder if he ordered a glass of red wine with his girlfriend or watched reruns of old sitcoms as I lay in the fetal position in my bed devastated the night I aborted Aubrey... When I wanted to kill myself because of my awful decision I wonder if my George Tiller equivalent smoked a cigarette after he saw a movie or attended a football game. I wonder if he sunned himself in Cancun as I sobbed in utter regret and grief over my loss.....What was he doing when I quit my dream job because I was incapable of focusing post abortion? Where was he when I broke down in tears in the grocery store because the song with my daughters name came over the sound system? Maybe George Tiller is out spending his abortion money on a new SUV or adding a sunroom to his house while dozens of women are spending their days in the confines of the prisons of their pain and hurt. If serial murder was legal I guess Ted Bundy would have been allowed to hang out at resorts or 5 star hotels as the mothers and fathers of the girls he murdered were never ever the same. This world is too unfair and too surreal for me sometimes....I drink my caffe mocha today and stare at a man who doesn't even know that he is a reminder of my own intense pain. This man who is just a look alike is probably a nice and honest man but the reminders to me are everywhere and will never leave me while the hands that ripped that baby from me are free to drink a coffee, smoke a cigarette, scuba dive, pick stocks and drive his new SUV...just isn't fair is it?????

12 year old speech contest...WINNER!

2009-02-16T17:33:00.000-08:00

Counter Offer

2009-02-10T20:17:00.000-08:00

Looking good...for the house. Can you believe it....?There is so much to do regarding setting up closing dates if this happens etc. Counter offer was reasonable so waiting to iron out additional details until deposits go into escrow etc...YAY! On Monday I had lunch with a different woman on a local liberal campus that wants to buy an old frat house on campus for a CPC...I had to laugh and asked her if we could finalize the first targeted sight...Thinking God is thrusting me into some sort of Crisis Pregnancy Center real estate facilitating business...LOL! Not really what I had been trained in ..HA! I do find it fun though......

Keep Praying...

2009-02-08T15:29:00.000-08:00

Okay...we should get an answer from the sellers tomorrow BUT the buyer can now only invest a certain amount which leaves us about 100k or more to come up with depending on what the seller counters with....SO, we are still optimistic but have to restructure a deal and come up with more investors.....Keep praying....have two meetings tomorrow to chat with people who may be interested...

Pray for the house still!

2009-02-06T20:01:00.000-08:00

The offer is in and the current owners want the weekend to consider it...I ask for prayer that they decide to move forward. Honestly, the potential new owner is so perfect and even has experience with CPC's before . The wife I believe is truly created for this work as she has a lot of volunteer work with a CPC. Also, the husband is a doctor. They also are very SPIRITED and prayed up people fully aware of the warfare involved in this transaction...SO, I am just in awe at God. The very fact that this was a mere idea when I saw the house a few weeks ago and now there is an amazing potential owner waiting for the offer to be received so they can turn the place into a CPC...mind boggling....incredible...Please continue to pray...

Nahum/Bible study!

2009-02-04T19:36:00.000-08:00

I would love comments and input as to how the book of NAHUM applies to the current abortion issue. I had the book swirling in my dreams the other night and don't even remember reading it in a long time. I didn't study it really in the past but then when I read it found it really interesting. Strongly encourage anyone involved in the pro life cause to read the book...still I would love to hear comments and insight from my blog world friends....

Asking for Intercessory Prayer!

2009-02-04T19:27:00.000-08:00

A month ago I prayed in front of an abortion clinic and found a house for sale next to it. I couldn't sleep at night because I had to figure out a way to acquire that house. I couldn't afford it myself but couldn't stop thinking of it. So,I spent the next few weeks in meetings with realtors, attorneys, pro life advocates, crisis pregnancy center leaders. Some of my friends started to pray as well. Then a few friends and i annointed the property and prayed on it. Different friend of mine came up with contracts for partial ownership. We would have to do some serious fund raising. Miraculously, an amazing couple came forward to offer to buy the property to lease then to a CPC. The offer was put on paper today. ALSO, the woman is a prayed up woman. She has some intercessors. One of her intercessors advised her to make sure she is hearing from God because this will be a battle like she has never seen. The potential owner got off of the phone...prayed and decided to still make the offer. She envisioned one of the rooms that over looks the abortion clinic to be the prayer room....anyhow, she asked that we all get prayed up. I am asking for extra prayer tonight and in the near future to make this happen and for protection over her family and ours....and those involved in this ...

Prayer for Obama!

2009-01-29T13:23:00.000-08:00

My mom sent this to me today!

Our Father who art in Heaven....
We worship You for Who You are...
Our Almighty God of the universe...
and we praise You for all You do.....

We pray for optimum health, mental clarity and spirtual
prosperity for President Barrack Obama.
We pray that what he lacks in 'experience' You
make up for with supernatural wisdom and power.
and that Your love will fill his heart to the
end that 'Your will' will be done through him.
We pray mightily for his protection. As we plead the Blood of
Jesus over him and his family, we ask You to dispatch legions
of angels to protect them from all hurt, harm, danger, and
from all accidents and incidents as he is the President of
the United States of America .
That the enemy will stumble and fall every time he comes
to destroy what you, Lord, are doing through this country.
We thank and praise You our Heavenly Father for answering
our sincere prayers. We pray believing and recieving in the
name that is above every name; in the name of Jesus Christ
of Nazereth, AMEN and AMEN...

Mother Teresa's words!

2009-01-29T12:42:00.001-08:00

"America needs no words from me to see how your decision in Roe v. Wade has deformed a great nation. The so-called right to abortion has pitted mothers against their children and women against men. It has sown violence and discord at the heart of the most intimate human relationships. It has aggravated the derogation of the father's role in an increasingly fatherless society. It has portrayed the greatest of gifts -- a child -- as a competitor, an intrusion, and an inconvenience. It has nominally accorded mothers unfettered dominion over the independent lives of their physically dependent sons and daughters"
And, in granting this unconscionable power, it has exposed many women to unjust and selfish demands from their husbands or other sexual partners. Human rights are not a privilege conferred by government. They are every human being's entitlement by virtue of his humanity. The right to life does not depend, and must not be declared to be contingent, on the pleasure of anyone else, not even a parent or a sovereign." (Mother Theresa -- "Notable and Quotable," Wall Street Journal, 2/25/94, p. A14)

Pastor Ron's Podcast!Celebration of Life!

2009-01-28T08:24:00.000-08:00

If you get a chance check this out (click here). It is a full sermon so takes awhile. I am also keeping a link on the sidebar. It was a sermon on 1/18th titled CELEBRATION FOR LIFE and was given by Pastor Ron Lewis at Kings Park International.

Praying for Obama!

2009-01-27T17:48:00.001-08:00

I am the mother of 3 African children. I am also seriously pro life and did not vote for Obama because of my one issue voting. For my kids sake (not to create stress for them), we don't talk politics in front of them. I really want them to be proud of having an African man in the whitehouse. We even pray during meals for his family and kids. We commented during the inauguration how beautiful the girls looked. Well, then he voted to take off the restrictions for our funding to go toward abortions in Mexico. My youngest daughter was born in Guatemala by a 13 year old mother who didn't have funding for an abortion. Had she had that funding we would never know Matea and the joys that she brings to us. My mother would never be able to send her sweet grand daughter birthday cards with kittens on them. Matea wouldn't be around to show us how funny and smart and mature she is for her age. There are a bunch of little 3 year olds who wouldn't have a friend. Sarah, Rachel, Abby and Maggie would have one less girlfriend at their birthday party. I think about the babies in Mexico and the rest of the world like Guatemaa that will not be born and that will not bring joy to their families.

I can't find a balance. I am so afraid of what FOCA means to my children and my potential grandchildren. I find myself hating Obama although I know that we are all able to be transformed through Jesus. I tell myself the battle is with the devil rather than OBama and then Nancy Pelosi makes a comment that basically says it is fiscally sound to kill babies that could be born to African American children in the urban centers...My daughters are targets...my oldest is reaching the target age for abortion...18...After that comment by Nancy Pelosi, I blame Obama too because I know he is a part of the party that believes that fewer people and abortion is somehow economically and ecologically advantageous. So I pray....dear God please let me see a president that will somehow change his mind when it comes to abortion. Please God surround Obama with Godly counselors and let him listen to them...but then I also know he is surrounded by people who think that aborting 1.5 million babies a year is no issue. In fact they are considering upping Planned Parenthoods coffers by 4.6 billion....So, I am constantly conflicted...How do we deal with this kind of evil. DO we love the people that perpetuate it? I was a woman who aborted a baby..I am hated by some...still i was transformed by Jesus...do I LOVE OBAMA even when soon little babies around the world will be aborted in dirty abortion clinics in Mexico City and women in China will have their forced abortions paid for by our tax dollars????? Or do I focus my anger and frustration on him personally. He is afterall considered now to be the most powerful human on the planet. I know my battle is with the devil but when the devil inhabits humans how can we sit quiet and pray while we wait for an exorcism to take place in the oval office...I just pray somehow the demons scurry away back into some desolate place in another universe..because I feel like I am living in the twilight zone and can't be totally sincere in my prayers for OBama....Still I do pray every night for God to protect him and then I also pray "Dear Lord, please protect the babies that aren't even born yet..." I am way too confused....

Pray for Property!

2009-01-27T17:43:00.000-08:00

Keep praying for the property that we want to buy next to the abortion clinic. I am very encouraged. I met with a woman who is very interested in running the cpc we want to put up on the spot. She has been in the Crisis Pregnancy Center business for 30 years,has a loving and simultaneously feisty spirit. LOVE HER! I have a few more meetings in hopes of acquiring the property and I have a business model brewing to make this the first of other acquisitions (provided we can get investors).....

CatholicVote.org

2009-01-23T06:43:00.001-08:00

This video rocks...amazing.
CatholicVote.org

Posted using ShareThis

Is Abortion a Craft?

2009-01-19T18:21:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading an article written by this pro choice woman named Marcy Bloom called "Jailhouse Journal of an Abortion Provider." This article is Marcy's commentary on a book by Dr. Bruce Steir, an abortionist who is in jail for the homicide conviction due to one of his botched abortions. In the article Ms. Bloom also calls his conviction a "witch hunt" thereby classifying individuals who want to see an honest investigation and legal process followed through for the death of a woman at his hands, as evil. And also calls the pro lifers "vicious anti-abortion" groups....Knowing the article was written by a pro choice individual, I wasn't reading anything that I hadn't read before. She characterized Dr. Steir as being someone who spent his life caring for women and the health of women while she also says he performed 40,000 abortions in his career. In a nutshell, she elevated him to be some sort of saintly member of our society. The one thing that really got me though is her use of the word "craft'. She described his profession as a 'craft'. Is abortion a craft? Being involved in the arts and having worked for years closely with musicians who truly have crafted their art, I have to say I am totally annoyed and insulted when I hear a pro choicer using the word CRAFT to describe the process of aborting a baby. When my husband was studying piano and music theory the goal was to be able to perform at a level that was effortless but that inspired others and touched people through music. I have watched as people have been healed and moved to tears through his craft. I have watched as people have raised their arms in Praises to God through his craft (a God given gift). When an artist works on a painting they are trying really hard to express something deep inside their soul and transfer it to canvas or on another medium. Even if that work of art evokes anger or evil it does not literally take a life...and I don't know of any other 'craft' designed to kill...Do we refer to Ted Bundy as having studied the craft of being a serial killer? 40,000 abortions. I am sure this man was an excellent abortionist...according to many in the pro choice community. But the result of his so called art was a dead baby. If there is any 'craft' to be attached to the moniker of this man then I would just have to call it witch craft....To take a woman and rip a baby out of her womb would have to be something that is not inspired by GOD...so the word 'craft' in the beautiful creative sense should not be applied to the abortionist.... GOd crafts us to be ALIVE, in Psalm 139 it says "you knit us in our mother's womb" and "you saw our unformed body." God himself is the ultimate craftsman. If I walked up to God standing before me with His knitting needles and ripped the yarn out from the sweater He was making for me or grabbed it and soaked it in some liquid that would destroy it...or I said "no thanks..I am too young for your gift ..." or "God..you made one sleeve too small..I can't wear that it won't work in my lifestyle." If others witnessed me destroying God's knitting would they call my ability to rip and tear a CRAFT? ...Likewise, the individual who would reach inside a woman's womb to take apart piece by piece an amazing work of art (the human baby) is defying God. Learning how to effortlessly rip the arms, legs and then head of a human from a womb does not deserve to be identified as a work of an artist..it is however not of God and therefore, if Marcy Bloom thinks that Dr. Steir is a craftsman then lets be real and call it "witch craft."

Proclamation!

2009-01-18T19:45:00.000-08:00

A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America: National Sanctity of Human Life Day, 2009

President George W. Bush (January 18, 2009)

The sanctity of life is written in the hearts of all men and women. On this day and throughout the year, we aspire to build a society in which every child is welcome in life and protected in law.

(Washington, DC)—The following text is A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America: National Sanctity of Human Life Day, 2009:

All human life is a gift from our Creator that is sacred, unique, and worthy of protection. On National Sanctity of Human Life Day, our country recognizes that each person, including every person waiting to be born, has a special place and purpose in this world. We also underscore our dedication to heeding this message of conscience by speaking up for the weak and voiceless among us. (Photo: Whitehouse.gov)

The most basic duty of government is to protect the life of the innocent. My Administration has been committed to building a culture of life by vigorously promoting adoption and parental notification laws, opposing Federal funding for abortions overseas, encouraging teen abstinence, and funding crisis pregnancy programs. In 2002, I was honored to sign into law the Born-Alive Infants Protection Act, which extends legal protection to children who survive an abortion attempt. I signed legislation in 2003 to ban the cruel practice of partial birth abortion, and that law represents our commitment to building a culture of life in America. Also, I was proud to sign the Unborn Victims of Violence Act of 2004, which allows authorities to charge a person who causes death or injury to a child in the womb with a separate offense in addition to any charges relating to the mother.

America is a caring Nation, and our values should guide us as we harness the gifts of science. In our zeal for new treatments and cures, we must never abandon our fundamental morals. We can achieve the great breakthroughs we all seek with reverence for the gift of life.

The sanctity of life is written in the hearts of all men and women. On this day and throughout the year, we aspire to build a society in which every child is welcome in life and protected in law. We also encourage more of our fellow Americans to join our just and noble cause. History tells us that with a cause rooted in our deepest principles and appealing to the best instincts of our citizens, we will prevail.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim January 18, 2009, as National Sanctity of Human Life Day. I call upon all Americans to recognize this day with appropriate ceremonies and to underscore our commitment to respecting and protecting the life and dignity of every human being.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this fifteenth day of January, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.

Sanctity of Life Weekend!

2009-01-18T17:36:00.000-08:00

WHEW! What a weekend! I spent yesterday at 9:30 at a breakfast for the NC Right to Life organization. I was arbitrarily chosen out of 400 people to be one of 7 individuals to read a prayer. I also met a couple of Priests and many pro life individuals that mostly are catholic. The median age of the breakfast attendees was probably 65. I really enjoyed it . A woman named Kate Adamson spoke. She is a woman about my age who had a serious stroke at the age of 33. This left her paralyzed and yet totally conscious and aware of her surroundings. She spent 70 days in intensive care and had to endure listening as doctors tried deperately to convince her husband to pull the feeding tube and breathing tube because she had only 1 in a million chance of surviving and if she did she would be a vegetable. In the meantime, Kate was trying to communicate with her husband. Eventually he had an idea. He asked her a question and with all of her power was able to blink out a response. This started her recovery. Now she walks and talks around the country about the disabled and sanctity of life.

After the breakfast was the March for Life in downtown Raleigh. I have been hanging out with my new BFF Denice...She is the Raleigh coordinator for 40 days for Life ....She is a member of St. Andrew's in Apex. I enjoyed listening to many speakers including the leader of STUDENTS FOR LIFE NC....There were about 1000 people there. One woman was about 70 years old and used a walker to walk the 1/2 mile on the March.

Today I gave my testimony in interview style at church. It is amazing what happened after church. Here are a few testimonies that I heard after mine.
PRAYER AFTER THE SERVICE:
1. A very masculine guy came down for prayer and to confess that he was like the boyfriend that had dropped me off at the abortion clinic. He had a girlfriend years ago and they aborted their baby. He said he had great regret because of it. When I told him that men also suffer from the effects of abortion and losing a child he had tears in his eyes and I asked him if I could pray for him and we did.
2. one woman who was about 25 confessed to giving up her baby 10 years ago for adoption when she found herself pregnant and now will be getting married soon and really wants to adopt but wants prayer that her fiance will want the same thing. She was crying because the sermon meant so much to her and she was also touched by my testimony. I reminded her that God will honor her sacrifice and that I wish I would have had the courage she had to see her pregnancy to completion and give her child up. She asked for prayer and we prayed.
3. A guy who doesn't come very often told this story of his very sick sister who had been pregnant during cancer and fought to keep her baby even though the doctors said she should abort...she gave birth and 3 years later died leaving custody to her brother (the guy I was talking to)
4. A woman came to me and told me about the abortion she had 22 years ago and cried as she talked saying she could never forgive herself and I was the first person she ever told the story to. I am emailing post abortive groups for healing.
5. Another woman told me about giving up her baby for adoption 30 years ago and regretting giving him up and miraculously the godly couple who adopted her son had been told through prayer to give the baby back to her. This occurred only hours after she learned about crisis pregnancy services that could help her keep her baby.She was blessed after just a few weeks without him to have been able to raise him.
6. A 17 year old korean adoptee confided in me that her mother was only 16 when she had her and she hopes that she can adopt when she gets older too and is working on finding her birth mother...

In addition, God blessed me by coincidentally sending one of my post abortion bible study friends to the service this week. She has been a great support but has only been to KPIC 2x's before . She did not know that I would be giving my testimony.

Tonight I also attended our Hispanic service where I read in Spanish my encounter with the Hispanic couple at the clinic last week. The worship time with them was intense. I saw two woman fall to their knees inconsolable as the Holy Spirit moved through them during the music.

It has been less than a year since God asked me to come out as a post abortive woman. The concept of revealing my sin was about as appealing as a root canal. But there is power and joy in the light of the Lord's truth. I pray we see a massive outburst of confessions from women so the lies and deception regarding abortion will be squashed. I pray God inspires many to raise their hands and say "i also was hurt by abortion and it is not empowering. It is only by God's grace that i am free....

The Tip of the Iceberg!

2009-01-17T18:43:00.000-08:00

It was and still is an eventful week for so many in the pro-life community. Yesterday I chatted with a woman who owns and runs a Crisis Pregnancy Center. She mentioned how abortion is the tip of this huge iceberg that is likely to sink our society...Like the Titanic, a so called unsinkable ship, the captain can only see the little tip at the top of the iceberg not realizing that the tip is really the head of something huge brewing underground. Under the sea the iceberg continues and can break a gigantic hole into the hull of the ship killing and perhaps drowning its passengers. Likewise, while abortion is big it is so because of the huge ramifications and implications that lie below the surface. The death of a child in and of itself is huge but the results of the devastation as a whole are bigger. By aborting so many of our future citizens we also take away the potential for goodness and God's purposes to be fulfilled in the lives He has created (and in the world). By aborting we have shown that our population can decrease. Our economy can also slow down because of it. The family is being chipped away. In certain Scandanavian countries there are so few children being born that the creator of the birth control pill has admitted that the pill has proven to be a hugely destructive experiment and regrets creating it. In other words, what happens when we stop producing children...the next generations are doomed and the families are smaller. The edict in China has shown now that there are so many more men than women and the few women that are in the population are only permitted to have one child. Contrary to the idea that using birth control to control population is a brilliant plan, we are seeing the total opposite is true . AND it will just get worse. The next generation, if inundated with Liberal education and media will continue to buy into the belief that abortion is mainstream, to be on demand and being pregnant is an inconvenience rather than a blessing. If Generation Y doesn't make a total 180degree turn then we will continue to see a decline....The good news is that it does seem that the next generation is more pro-life than generation x. Still it remains to be seen if the generation can be enlivened enough to go back to traditional values that would steer the entire Gen Y population toward life...It all remains to be seen. That is why the work we are doing today is so important...Generations before us would pray for their future generations of children assuming there would be many children from their lineage born. I am sure it never occurred to them that the family line would somehow decrease....but it is decreasing...When we pray for our children's children and on and on ...we need to not only pray for their protection but now we must pray that they choose to procreate and choose life rather than abortion..it is a humbling and scary thought but true......

TESTIMONY in Spanish!

2009-01-15T18:22:00.000-08:00

This Sunday I will get to give my testimony to 1000 people at our church for the morning service. And then later on the Hispanic minister has asked me to give my testimony to the Hispanic church at 5pm....and they prefer it be given in Spanish...I really do believe God has a total sense of humor.

Unfortunately Qualified! Coming into the light!

2009-01-15T17:01:00.000-08:00

It has been a very intense but awesome week. Actually, the past several months since coming out as a post abortive woman has been amazing. I have gone through bible studies, memorialized my daughter, completed a book (to be edited next month) and learned a major lesson first hand. It really is true that God can use our sins for His work. I was always in awe at how God used Peter and called Him His rock in spite of the fact that he denied Jesus several times. Moses was a murderer. David had an affair with a married woman...Still it says so much about God. He truly is efficient and brilliant in the ways He uses our weaknesses and our strengths for His will if we take the leap to confess and offer to follow Him. I don't enjoy talking about my sin but I do enjoy watching as miracles unfold when others are healed and encouraged to step out because God calls them. I like seeing God. Sometimes we 'see' Him better once we have stepped out from our comfort zones hiding and walk into the light exposing our sin. And sometimes He will save lives when you talk about your sin in really bad spanish. Or you will run into someone at the grocery store while buying cucumbers who just starts a conversation about abortion.

I mentioned that I found a house next to an abortion clinic that I would like to have purchased and turned into a crisis pregnancy center (with a focus on post abortive healing). We want to offer ultra sounds etc. We have no money and no idea how to really raise it but will try. I have walked through the house. I have met with major land owners in the area who just happened to have the owner of the vacant house's phone number on home..I listened as the big whig (who is a devout christian) said to the owner of our dream property "Now if your listing expires you call me. Do not sell your house to the center of death next door. I have people here who want to turn you Daddy's house into a center for life." I have heard from friends invigorated to join the cause for life in our community. I have listened in confidence to abortion stories of friends of mine that felt relieved to "come out' since I told my story. I have the pleasure of lending them books and bible studies and sending them URL's to SILENT NO MORE, Abortion changes you , rachel's vineyard. But most amazing is being able to be a mentor to women who have had their pain buried so long and watch them finally breathe again now that they are set free.

I spent so much of my life longing for the things of this world. How foolish! Nothing has touched me more or convicted me more than to watch as the Lord slowly peels the layers of pain away to finally be healed and watch as others are too. I know those of us involved in pro-life efforts have our work cut out for us but I really believe that our battle is with the devil who keeps things in the dark, hidden and surrounded by lies. There is power in the testimony of post abortive women. I can totally understand women who want to remain quiet about it. But from what I have seen, I can only imagine that our greatest weapon against this awful war to claim Life for all, is to bring the truth to light. The women who have suffered, the people who have worked in those clinics and come out and speak out against abortion....the people like Gianna Jessen and Brandi Tozier who have survived abortions, can make a huge impact. Imagine if only 1% of the women who have aborted would come out there would possibly be a wave of understanding and forgiveness to the others who have buried this pain away. The truth can set us free. The light can blind the demons and the LIGHT OF THE WORLD can truly reign over the prince of darkness..being His hands and feet maybe it is up to us sinful but redeemed people to carry the lantern of life into the world....

Spanglish helps to save a Life!

2009-01-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

I just had an amazing day today. I took my friend Roxanne over to see some abortion clinics today (very early). We both have kids from Guatemala. Her son was adopted at 6 and her Spanish is much better than mine. Still neither one of us is fluent (BY A LONG SHOT). So, the plan was for my husband to baby sit and I would show her the clinics. We hadn't been together since Halloween. And we really don't see eachother very often these days. So, I do believe God had a plan for us to be together for a purpose with His perfecting timing. So, it was about 8:45 when we showed up to a clinic here in Raleigh. It is one of the slower clinics with about a dozen abortions today. The sidewalk counselors are from a Catholic church in town. They are very gentle in their approach. There are no graphic signs, tshirts, megaphones or shouting. They do hand out pamphlets to a local pregnancy center. Roxanne and I have been in situations before where we try to speak Spanish...We used to meet ocaissionally at a Mexican restaurant and try to talk to the waiters..We would laugh at each other. So, we show up to this clinic and see that one of the counselors had been chatting with a Hispanic couple in a blue truck. The couple seems to be conflicted. The counselor Mike hands them literature in Spanish. We pray in front of the clinic. We watch as the couple is still in their truck really talking. I asked the counselor if they were speaking Spanish to them. They say "no, I don't know Spanish. Do you know Spanish?" I laugh and say "Very little"...He says "well maybe you only need a little"...We keep praying and notice they are coming out of the truck toward the abortion clinic. At that point it felt like I had a giant rope around my waist that someone pulled for me to go directly to them. Most of the times they only want one counselor to talk to them at a time, but because Roxanne and I both only know a little Spanish we both instinctively went over together. We introduce ourselves. I stumble to say "Es no necesita tu camina en la clinica.." (it is not necessary to walk into the clinic...I wonder if they thought they should run instead) THen I say to the guy pointing to his girlfriend "tu esposa es muy bonita y tu muy guapo, tu nino muy bonita tambian" (your WIFE-maybe they weren't married- is very pretty and you are so handsome your baby will be pretty too). Then I speak in english a little. Then we say we can help...the pregnancy center (they had a brochure in spanish) can help you to keep your baby or give up the baby for adoption---whatever you want. I also said "Mi hija adopta donde Guatemala y ella es mi vida. Yo tengo muy felice porque me hija." (this is all very bad spanish..but I said my daughter is from Guatemala and she is my life..I have much happiness from her.) I continued to say you too will be happy with your baby. I also said "tu nino es Doctor or el presidente" (Your baby is doctor or president). So, they thanked me and we went the other way cringing over the awful spanish we just spoke..Roxanne said "did I just tell them I will buy their baby? I meant to say the clinic will help find money to help with the baby." She replays the phrase and realizes she said the right thing after all. Then I just prayed and watched them as they stood out of the truck on the sidewalk talking and talking...and then after about 20 minutes I felt that I had to tell them about my abortion on 2 semesters of spanish 20 years ago...."mucho anos pasado yo tengo aborto..Yo tengo much dolor en mi corazon por todo los dias en veinte y seite anos. Mucho dolor en mi corazon por siempre. Es no muy bien. No esposo, no employo, no dinero y piensar no nino...pero despues aborto much dolor en mi corazon por siempre..." In a nutshell I said "I had an abortion many years ago and now I will always have a pain in my heart. I had no husband, no money , no job and then I had abortion and after the abortion much pain in my heart forever." Then she had tears in her eyes and I went back to my spot and watched. Another 20 minutes go by...they are talking seriously, then they sort of laugh and flirt with eachother to let off steam, then they keep talking and talking seriously...and I am praying "Dear God, let them go home and have this baby." Eventually they go into the abortion clinic. My heart sinks but I knew that I had to get used to this. Many people will choose abortion even after our best efforts. So now I didn't want to leave. I wanted to see if they would come back out and i felt that I had to pray for them too. So I pray and pray and imagine that their grandmothers and mothers pray prayers of protection to save them. Another 15 minutes go by. I hear the door open. I look up and am praying "dear God let it be them." I see it is him and then I am praying "Dear God, please let her be behind him." and I look and she is there. Then I see him smile and wave to us. We get a nod from the senior sidewalk counselor who tells us to go to them. And then I ask them if they have what they need and know where to call for help and they say yes and smile...Roxanne had given me a phrase that I took "Con vida hay esperanza" With life there is hope. They seemed happy....got in their truck and drove away...right after Roxanne said GOD BLESS in spanish. I wanted to cry right there knowing that their baby was saved and that God used my testimony in very bad spanish to help to move them. This was the first time i had used my testimony as a means to talk to a woman going into a clinic to abort her baby. It was in very bad spanish. I remember telling myself for years that I would never ever tell a soul about the abortion and then hearing God tell me this year that I must tell my whole story. Once I started telling my story some would tell me that being transparent and exposing the pain would help lead others to life. I never really understood..But it dawned on me that if God can use my two semesters of spanish 20 years ago as one of His tools to save lives, He certainly could use the testimony in proper english. In the meantime , I will never forget this couple and hope we all pray that they can stay convicted to choose life, that the woman can get her education and that she has the courage to tell her mother and that her mother embraces her with love...Pray the baby lives and that they never go back to the abortion clinic. God is good! Today God saved a life with some really awful spanglish.....

Eulogy for Aubrey!

2009-01-04T18:56:00.000-08:00

I must admit that writing the title for the post was like a knife in my heart. On Wed at 9:30 I am having a memorial for Aubrey. This is 27 years post abortion and after being healed and through bible studies...but first memorial service. It seems strange to do it but also totally devastatingly sad for me.....Still I believe it will bring closure. There will also be 2 other women there...so we are having a service for a total of 4 babies (one woman had two abortions). I will post more about it after the service on Wed...but here is what I am saying...

Dear Aubrey,

All I can think of when I think of you are the vast amounts of blessings you have brought into my life. I believe in my heart of hearts that God wanted to bless me with you when I was 19 because He knew that through mothering you I would come back to Him. But I made that awful decision and never was able to feel the blessings of your life here on earth and it would take more work and time for Jesus to penetrate into my very calloused heart. Still God is amazing and eventually I did come back to Him through the pain and regret of the abortion. I want to say that if you had been born I would have given you an amazing middle name like Faith or Hope or something sweet like that. But because I long to be with you I wanted my name to be your middle name. There is a part of me that died when you left this evil world. There is also a part of me that feels like it will never be home until I am in heaven with you. So knowing my name is with you brings me hope and happiness knowing I too am connected to you in Heaven. The best thing I can do today to honor you is to praise Him. I praise Him for bringing Jesus to truly wash away the sin of the worst decision of my life. I praise Him for promising new life and making me a new creation through Him. I praise Him for being relentless and pulling me back to Him when I wanted to run. I praise Him for seeing my value when I felt unworthy of His love. I praise Him for being gracious and using this awful sin to show me what true compassion is. I praise Him for saving my life when I wanted to kill myself. I praise Him for walking me into the light of day when I wanted to hide under my covers in darkness until the sun stopped shining. I praise Him for truly teaching me how to sing and dance again. I praise Him for allowing me to escape the grasps of an unhealthy relationship and eventually leading me into the arms of a righteous man who has been my husband for 21 years. I praise Him for blessing me with your 4 sisters and 2 brothers. I praise Him for lighting a fire inside of me to advocate for the unborn and for the orphaned children. I praise Him for revealing His supernatural power to me and teaching me that my life is all about Him and not about me. I praise Him for never breaking the yoke he had on me even when I pushed Him away. I praise Him for picking me up, washing me up and telling me I was beautiful when I felt wounded, ugly and weak. But the main praise I send to Him is for your short life and for His infinite forgiveness. I truly believe that Jesus came to save, forgive and renew. I have felt it totally through the healing He has poured out on me. There is no doubt to me that He is the Son of God and Saviour of this world. Aubrey, God used your sweet life to bring me back into the arms of Jesus and that is the most amazing gift I have ever been given. I know He would have done that had you lived as well. But God is brilliant and was able to turn the worst thing in my life into a major blessing. Lastly I praise Him because even though I felt that I had lost you and felt totally disoriented for years not knowing where you were, how to get to you I know you are not lost. I know where you are. I have found you safe and at home in Heaven and in the arms of the Lord. You reside in the home that all of us aliens on this earthly so long to be. This world is not our home but we long to be in the place in Heaven where LIFE is valued, children are valued and loved. In the meantime, God has given us work here to try to be His hands and feet in saving the babies and attempting to make our world reflect His values. I vow that I will truly work to honor your life. I will do my best to continue to turn my sin into life saving measures. I hope Jesus will allow you to witness to the beauty of a mother turning to Life because she hears our story. And when Jesus calls me home I pray He will open the door and place you in my arms again I Praise Him and am at peace knowing you are safe in His arms. I will love you forever!

Abortion is Antagonistic!

2009-01-03T11:42:00.001-08:00

So, I am not getting very far YET with getting financing the 1 acre lot next to the abortion clinic. But I am seeking, praying and speaking out about it..in the event someone can come up with a down payment for the 350k property.....I have some meetings sched to see the house and to talk to someone about organizing a nonprofit. Anyhow, I am a midwest girl who spent about 20 years living in NYC..I also still maintain business in NY...So I am accustomed to the bold, direct approach. I live in North Carolina now and find the community very peaceful. But sometimes it is just too peaceful and passive. For example, I have acquaintances at a couple Crisis Pregnancy Centers down here. One guy is very supportive and thinks that setting up a pregnancy center next to the abortion clinic is an excellent way to help young women and offer them a path toward life and hope with their new babies. But I received a note from one of the staff members at another center that really believes the director would not think it was a good idea because it would be perceived as antagonistic. I had a conversation with this same person awhile ago as to why they didn't want to come out as being too pro-life. She said they are trying to draw in 'abortion minded' clients to the clinic and don't want to get into the bad graces of Planned parenthood and therefore lose more clients. So, she perceived a CPC next to an abortion clinic to be something that would get in the way of their successes and communication with Planned Parenthood. I have to respect that they know what is best for their particular center, but have to give my viewpoint (after all that is what I love about having a blog---i can vent).

The county I live in provides 1/3 of the 30thousand abortions of our state per year . Or approximately 10thousand a year. The clinic that exists next to the vacant lot has bragged about performing 100 thousand abortions in 20 years. They have a few clinics...still I think it is safe to assume then that they perform at least 2 or 3 thousand abortions there a year. Our state also doesn't require that the parental notification letter is notarized so several underage girls are permitted to receive abortions without their parents consent or by having the men who have raped them sign off falsely as their fathers. We have laws that allow children to be aborted up to 20 weeks. I have prayed so much about this and have to say that abortion is antagonistic. When this clinic set up shop in my community they basically were the ones being antagonistic. When you call a crisis pregnancy center antagonistic you are in essence labeling the abortion clinic the protagonist or the hero....I refuse to accept that an organization that will abort babies 5 days a weeek up to 20 weeks is the hero in our community. They are the antagonists and the people who organize and run the pregnancy centers are the heros....It is not my style to be violent in my approach to fight abortion. I am consistent. I am all for non-violence. Still I believe it is wise to be a beacon of light for life in your community when the other neighbors are simply being their southern gentile selves and ignoring the atrocities in their backyard. I am grateful that the brazen New York spirit has rubbed off on me and I pray somehow that God will prevail. If Barak Obama passes the Freedom of Choice bill..the numbers of abortions will go up, the restrictions will be lifted and the clinic next to the vacant lot might as well have a 24 hour revolving door...Should the property next door remain vacant simply because someone is afraid to offend the organization that is stripping women of their babies. As a post abortive woman I can say that in my desperation I would have seen the Crisis Pregnancy Center next to the abortion clinic as my beacon of hope...but no one bothered to place a clinic up next to the abortion mill in Orlando that took my daughter away from me....i wonder if someone had a chance to purchase property and just passed on it because they were afraid they would be perceived as being ANTAGONISTIC.....

I WANT TO BUY A HOUSE FOR A CPC!

2008-12-31T19:49:00.000-08:00

Okay...today I was in front of this abortion clinic that brags about having done 100,000 abortions in 20 years. I couldn't help but notice how the house next to this clinic was for sale. So now I am determined to buy it an d put up a crisis pregnancy center just next to it...only problem...MONEY...it really is the only problem. We have Crisis Pregnancy Centers here that are willing to have it as their satellite or be a mentor to me as I get a board and staff together for it..If anyone has any brilliant financing ideas...I would greatly appreciate it. We want to grab it before the abortion clinic buys it....

A Child is Born in Rockford

2008-12-18T19:28:00.000-08:00

I just posted this on my family blog, finally coming out of the closet to everyone. I cannot believe how amazing Jesus is and am humbled.

I had been wanting to come out of the closet on an issue on this blog for some time but was really reluctant and waiting for the right time. I know this is an adoption family blog but one of the reasons my family is so incredible to me is because I had an abortion at the age of 19. I sat down last year because I felt led to write a book about adoption and my family. During prayer time the good Lord made it clear that I had to tell my whole story. So I wrote a book about the miracle of my family and God’s incredible outpouring of love, forgiveness and grace in my life in the form of my children. There is a whole book called TO BE A MOTHER getting formatted now and will be ready probably in February or March if you are interested in hearing the entire story.

This time of year has been difficult for me throughout the years. I always knew that the baby would be born in the middle or end of December. There was so much I wasn’t sure of during that confusing and difficult time in 1981. But even though I had an abortion when the baby was only 8 or 9 weeks I had somehow known the baby was a girl and her name was Aubrey. I had the abortion in May and had named her prior to the abortion. I fell into deep despair after the abortion. In December of that year as I was making the bed the radio alarm clock went off and the song “AUBREY” by the band “Bread” mysteriously started playing. As I heard the words “I never knew her but I loved her just the same” I became unglued and had a hard time even continuing with the singing job I had at Disneyworld. Eventually I couldn’t even work and quit my dream job from incapacitating depression.

Years have gone by. I have gone through therapy. I have been healed. I have given birth, adopted my children and been blessed with a fantastic marriage. I am genuinely happy and praise God for bringing me out of that awful unexpected abyss post abortion. I have a passion now for chatting with other post abortive women who may need healing. I have also just finished a healing bible study called “Tender Mercies” written by a Christian Psychologist. The class is over but the one thing I have never done is had a memorial service for Aubrey which is recommended in this class. I know to some it sounds really strange to do this. But surprisingly in the past month my grief has been very close to the surface. Just the thought of the service this January 7th(there will be two other mothers there too) brings me to tears to the point of sobbing. So, the other day in the car I was just thinking that I wanted her to have a middle name. I thought about Aubrey Faith and Aubrey Hope because of the significance of both of the words to me. But then I decided to give her my name as her middle name. In aborting her years ago I lost a part of myself. In denying myself that child a part of me died but I have faith that Aubrey Deanna is in Heaven where i would long for us to be together one day. I pray that having my name as a part of her name will guarantee that although a part of me died the eternal part of her lives forever and we too are united forever….I could go on and on but that is what the book is for.

I always knew that if I had given birth to Aubrey we would have moved back to my hometown in Rockford Illinois to get our bearings before deciding what to do next. But unfortunately I made a choice that I would regret and never moved back to Rockford with a baby daughter in my arms. Still, God has been extremely loving and extravagant to me. The reason I am telling you this today is because something miraculous and sweet has happened today. Sometimes things happen that are like little secrets that you have just between you and God. They are small little miracles where you feel like He is smiling down on you and just saying “I love you so much.” I have a cousin named Diane in Rockford who had all boys. One of her boys ERIC and his wife Felicia gave birth to his second daughter today. Diane and Eric haven’t read my book and because I have been in the closet she doesn’t know my story. Very few people even knew about Aubrey or that I named a baby I would never see. Eric is married to a sweet woman named Felicia. Tonight I received this email on what could have been the birthday of my daughter who would be a younger cousin to Eric.

Hi Deanna, Diane called this morning and Eric and Felicia had a 10# baby girl yesterday and guess what they named her? Aubrey Hope.........

coincidental!

Mom

I don’t believe in coincidences but do believe God loves us immensely. A child has been born in Rockford named Aubrey Hope who has blessed a cousin in North Carolina merely by taking her first breath and sharing a name with a Heavenly cousin. I just want to celebrate her life and know that God is great and His forgiveness and sweetness is available to all. I pray that Eric and Felicia can feel the joy that their new little ‘noble and bright’ princess will bring to them. I promise not to make this a heavy, controversial or depressing blog but wanted to share my personal story, today’s miracle and show you why my enthusiasm for my magnificent family is so great. They are truly a gift from a forgiving and extravagantly sweet Father.

Post Abortive Testimonies for Book

2008-12-13T19:40:00.000-08:00

I have just started writing another pro life book with post abortive testimonies from women of all backgrounds (lesbians, atheists,pagans)...My Christian testimony will be in the book as well as some by pro life chinese buddhists, jews and catholics. I am looking for women to volunteer their testimonies for my book. The intention of the book is to show the secular community that it should be difficult to stereotype the pro life community because we do come from all different types of backgrounds. i also want to bring to light the pain of abortion regardless of your background, religion or political leanings.

thanks,
Deanna

Aborting Jesus! My Pro life Christmas Plea!

2008-12-03T16:19:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted much since the election. I have had the post election blues. I have had a lot of time to think. Okay not a lot of time to think since I have 6 kids that I am blessed with. But I have had enough time to think. I am disturbed by the potential for the doors of abortion to spring open even wider. I am disturbed by the fact that our society voted for a president that continues to appoint many pro abortion leaders to his cabinet. It is Christmas though and I am now just trying to focus on the blessings of my family...

That being said I came across something that Mother Teresa said..."Be humble like Mary so that you can be holy like Jesus" I think about Mary so much. I think about her the most around Christmas time. I imagine this young barely teen becoming pregnant without even having sex. And this was of course also during a time that King Herod wanted to kill the little ones too.

This year planned parenthood is offering gift certificates that women can use toward an abortion. The timing is intentionally to be for the "HOLIDAY'S" or for the time of Christ's birth (Christmas).

It takes true humility and a humble person like Mary to come to the realization that she is with child, without a husband and facing the likely murder of her future child to walk the path of LIFE escaping Herod's wrath. Today young women find themselves in similar situations (okay not exactly similar...but follow me). Being young and pregnant today at 14, unmarried, no support and living in the dangerous world, it is tempting for women to walk into the executioners lair and abort their babies. It is more difficult to walk the path of life then to have the grace and courage to walk the path into motherhood. Had Mary been born in this time, in this century it might even be possible that Jesus would never have been born..I am sure had she walked into Planned Parenthood out of desperation the demons may have been able to strip our world of our redemption and forgiveness by killing Jesus before he could make it to the cross. Mother Teresa also was asked once why there wasn't a cure for AIDs...she said something like (not exact quote) "Because the person who found the cure was aborted before they were given the chance to eliminate the disease." How many peacemakers, artists, righteous men and women have been killed prior to even being given the opportunity to make the world a better place? Maybe that is why our world stinks so much...all of the 50 million individuals who could have made a positive difference have been stripped from their mother's wombs before they could even take a breath or change this world for the better.

I tend to use my imagination. I see Jesus and His Angels in Heaven with these sweet little souls saying "Okay here is your chance. When you get to earth cure diabetes or get rid of world hunger." So, the babies are ready and enter the woman's womb, God places them there and then they are killed before being able to even reach infancy. So, then the angels try again and again...again and again they try hoping to answer the prayers of the millions of people on earth praying for peace, love and a world of UNITY. But the angels continue to fight Satan's demons that are determined to not let that child reside in the world....time and time again...our hopes in the form of each of these children are killed....So the battle continues...We wonder why and say...WHY IS GOD LETTING THIS HAPPEN? All the while the children that Christ is trying to send to help answer our prayers are being aborted. The fight is about to get more intense. More potential leaders, doctors, artists and activists are going to be salined, suctioned, scraped, stabbed and cut from our society. This is war now. If we want to fight for a better world it is time for us now all to get off of our blogs and stand on the front line for LIFE. Possibly during the 40 days of life or just one day on the sidewalk in front of a clinic this Christmas we can help to save our world by saving one single baby at a time....maybe we'll even be a part of bringing a righteous president into the world.

Deanna

"Each one of them is Jesus in disguise."
Mother Teresa

Okay...we lost....

2008-11-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

I spent most of last week pretty depressed about the election and then just decided to remain positive...I also have to admit that I am excited about having an African American president. BUT I would have much rather had an extremely pro life president. My family was fighting and my husband and I realized that we had to put on happy faces for the kids who have to face friends that voted for OBAMA. So we have agreed to pray for the president even though we don't agree with him. And so we say things like "Dear God, protect our president and his family and change his heart regarding little babies." It is really hard for me as a post abortive woman to remain optimistic when I feel like the doors to abortion under any circumstance are about the be blown wide open...but I am planning on being pro active. i am writing a bible study for mothers and daughters to discuss abortion....and I will continue to fight. i am also going to go through training at our local Pregnancy Support Services office in May...so I can help with the post abortive and abortion minded women. I will pray they will be moved to give life....OH and I submitted my manuscript for my book to be edited today.....

John McCain and His Pattern of Resurrection

2008-11-03T08:21:00.000-08:00

First off I am in no way comparing John McCain to Jesus. Lately I have been waking up very discouraged about the campaign. Being a serious pro life advocate I cannot endorse Obama. I just don't see him as contributing to eliminating Roe V Wade or even creating any limitations. In fact it appears via the Freedom of Choice act he will eliminate any restrictions...So this morning I woke up with a strong positive feeling pertaining to McCain's victory tomorrow. If we follow his pattern of 'coming from behind'...and defying death and adversity we have to put our trust that his good fortune will stand. First while in the military he watched as 134 men were killed when a jet crashed into the carrier he was on...he was burned and scarred then narrowly missing death. He was deployed to Vietnam within days. Then while in Vietnam only 4 months after that incident his plane went down and as he was drowning at the bottom of a lake with broken arms he opened his inflatable vest with his teeth...as he surfaced he was taken as a prisoner of war. ...His wife and mother agreed that he was dead only to find out the GOOD NEWS that he was a prisoner of war instead...And then the doctors who took care of him thought he was within hours of death...he survived....after all of that he made it back to Washington after solitary confinement and years as a pow. This year during the primaries when Huckabee and Romney were considered the most likely victors he prevailed..Now he has been down in the polls...as he puts it "Obama is measuring the drapes"...he has been verbally crucified in the press and basically characterized in the worst way ever repeatedly by them....but somehow today as i look at how his life has evolved I can't help but think that tomorrow is going to be another bright day for John McCain. Why has God kept him alive for so long? Why has God resurrected him repeatedly? He has endured so much for this country...he is a good man that believes in the values of America and is proud of what it is and can be. I believe he has been uniquely and in a way unfortunately (through his suffering) qualified to run the country that he has fought for..And I also believe that God will have favor on his service and mercy on our country. When we see the McCain slogan COUNTRY FIRST....this is something he truly believes in and has lived out....McCain is destined for this position and I feel in my heart today that tomorrow is his victory....

What does Planned Parenthood do today with babies born alive?

2008-10-30T19:33:00.000-07:00

What this election is like to one post abortive woman...

2008-10-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

Twenty seven years ago I had an abortion. I thought I would come out of it free and empowered because I bought the lies of Planned Parenthood and the women's movement who championed my rights wholeheartedly. I was surprised when I immediately fell into a deep depression and months later struggled with thoughts of suicide. The feelings were intense and the sadness was great. Prior to abortion, I was always happy and handled stress in an exceptional way. But this was different. I had a baby ripped from my womb and felt totally violated. YES..I made that choice. I do take responsibility for that awful choice. THis is a choice I know for a fact I would not have taken had abortion been illegal. But I was lied to and caught off guard by the attack my body felt it had been under and I totally felt as if I had been abused emotionally as well following the abortion. With God's grace..therapy and the blessings of a great family I can say that I am healed...but the scars are there...AND all I can say is watching this election brings up so much. On the one hand I had been waiting fervently for the topic of abortion to come up in the election hoping that those who saw Obama's record on born alive babies would be shocked, disgusted and say to themselves "eventhough I am liberal I would never vote for a man who would make that kind of judgement." Well for the most part I am watching people as they worship and elevate a man who advocates the type of victimization and violation that women like myself had to work way too hard to heal within themselves....THere are women who kill themselves post abortion. There are women who remain silent forever and struggle in relationships. There are women who are infertile post abortion...the list goes on..Imagine..watching OBAMA standing proudly in front of the Planned Parenthood sign or hearing him say "my first act as president with be to sign the Freedom of Choice act". Imagine knowing that more women will potentially endure what took years to undo to myself and many others like myself. It is as if we are watching the executioner be deified by the entire society thereby minimizing our pain and our suffering.. We watch as more women are led to the slaughter..not even given the proper information or acknowledgement that there is a potential for psychological damage.I can imagine it is similar to someone who has been raped and has to watch as the rapist is let off to continue raping. And watching the people who know he has raped still inviting him to their christmas and cocktail parties....everytime I see Obama stand up there with the crowd applauding and vowing to put him in the position to sign a bill that will eliminate virtually any limitation on abortion I cringe. I cannot imagine what some of the women who are stuggling more than I are experiencing...Yes there are women out there who do not regret their abortions..but there are many many like myself..I am not the only one who struggled intensely after aborting their babies. If I didn't believe that Jesus has forgiven me i would be beside myself right now....Between his not agreeing several times to the born alive protection act...vowing to allow abortions even into the 8th or 9th month, advocating that parents are not notified and saying he wouldn't want his daughter punished with a child...I am sorry but I will always be looking at OBama and other abortion advocates as the man who opened the door to my pain and continues to hold that door open to the dozens of women who will unknowingly be walking into their depression, anxiety, guilt and regret..THANK YOU PRESIDENT OBAMA for continuing to punish the women who made that mistake while making them watch as their little sisters head into the slaughter.....

Justice for All

2008-10-27T19:09:00.000-07:00

I was in NYC almost all of last week. But i was fortunate enough tuesday night to be able to host this amazing organization called Justice for All which travels to campuses with this very graphic and large display to engage students in conversation regarding life. They are non confrontational but their display is very aggressive. So, they are all from Kansas with some other volunteers from all over the place. I hosted the director David Lee and one other guy...We also provided a meal to 15 of the volunteers. This was really great. I was exhausted but I had a great time speaking with all of them. UNC is very liberal so the second day was really tough for them. They also host a training which I wasn't able to engage in because I was out of town. These volunteers are very passionate and sometimes discouraged. We really need an army of volunteers helping to educate people and the truth is that most pro lifers don't have the stamina to stand in front of a crowd or behind a bull horn...But that has to change as we are losing lives because there aren't enough people to stand in the gap...Pray for this group. I really enjoyed them and would love to see them come to NYC where I am sure they will be met with intense disdain but it would also be the talk of all of NYC if they were able to get there...

Disturbed! Living in the Twilight Zone!

2008-10-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

I'm disturbed. I am totally utterly disturbed. Shouldn't I be disturbed by the potential never ending amount of abortions in this country? I would love to title this post "hopeful". I was hopeful and still do hold out an iota of hope for the end to come for abortions. BUT sometimes I look around and cannot believe i live in a world chock full of people who daily over look the death of millions of kids. I am not only talking about abortions either. There are 148 million orphans and another million children in sex trafficking and many more suffering. AM I LIVING IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE? Where is the compassion? Where is the logic in the American people? In the people of the world...Why are so many people over looking the truth and embracing lies? I feel as if I am frozen at an intersection..one that offers hope for life and the other that says if America walks down this road we are all doomed especially the unborn. And I know from personal experience that means more women will have to be blindsided by the devastation they will feel after they legally abort. Most women would never abort if abortion were illegal. I wouldn't have! My daughter would be here today. BUt I am disturbed because if we walk down the road to life then young women today and their children will be saved. If America chooses to walk down the other road with a leader that says it is OKAY TO KILL then we are all doomed......It is indeed disturbing...as I stand in wait for the votes to be counted....

Obama CItizenship!

2008-10-11T11:10:00.001-07:00

Obama Slum Lord!

2008-10-09T17:52:00.000-07:00

God help us all if Obama becomes President....

This is a short video of one of the projects he was involved in...

Black Genocide...

2008-10-09T12:54:00.000-07:00

Being the mother of 3 Ethiopian children...I feel it is a responsibility to their mother who died of AIDS in Ethiopia to assure them a future that would not see them as degenerates and target the killing of their children. There is nothing that I look forward to more than seeing my daughters and sons grow up to have the freedom to grow to be healthy enough to raise and take care of their kids. I want to also have the privilege of being the grandmother for their children not only for myself but for their mother Bayoush who never lived to see them married or have children. Abortion has taken way too many babies. Abortion has targeted way too many minorities (blacks and hispanics). My Guatemalan daughter should also be given the same freedom and not be trapped into believing that it is her right and okay to abort her babies. It is so disgusting to me to have a man like Barack Obama who claims to be a spokesperson for African Americans really be more a spokesperson for Planned Parenthood (which is the murderous organization ) targeting his people. He should be ashamed as an African American to be used in that way....As a white mother with hispanic and african children it is often assumed that I would vote for Obama...there is no way. WHY? Because I want more for my African children then what Obama is offering..

PRO LIFE OBAMA: an Oxymoron!

2008-10-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

This just takes the cake. Someone please wake me when this election is over. And if McCain and Palin don't win I would like to find my own planet somewhere. I will invite all of the true christians and pro life/conservatives. This planet would have people who actually show compassion and love for one another and still care about human life. Oh..also on this planet the TRUTH would be known and those telling lies would not be allowed to live there. There would be instant intervention for people who don't see the TRUTH. They would first be given the chance to see through the eyes of love rather than hate and deception. Once the truth is revealed they could stay as long as they promised never to deceive another human being. PROLIFE OBAMA...HUH? OBAMA IS NOT PRO LIFE (that was intended to be a shout)....in case any of the emergent christians or lost catholics that have devised this organization don't know that already..Oh and JESUS is not synonomous with INFANTICIDE OR ABORTION....OBAMA IS SYNONOMOUS with infanticide and abortion......YIKES...and part of the organization is called MATTHEW 25...remember the scripture of taking care of the least of these. Remember the goats were not allowed in heaven because they didn't take care of the least of these by offering food and clothing...that would also include LIFE....This so ticks me off that I am rambling now....But perhaps we can be allowed in heaven and considered sheep in the eyes of Jesus on judgment day and allowed on HIS planet in Heaven....check it out yourselves.. http://www.prolifeproobama.com/

Would Sarah Palin have been disqualified?

2008-10-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

Carol Fowler, the leader of the SC Democrat party said that "the only qualification that Sarah Palin has is that she has never had an abortion." Obviously, this was an outrageous and hideous comment. In seeing how the Republicans have embraced Sarah Palin I doubt it would've made a difference to them if she had one or not. But it would have been interesting to see how the Democrats would have handled a post abortive Republican candidate. Would they have criticized her as being incapable of governing because of the poor choice she made as a teenager? Would they have said that women who have aborted are not capable of making rational decisions? Would the Republicans have considered Sarah Palin as an unsuitable candidate had that information come out during the vetting process? Considering the fact that there are millions of post abortive women out there, it is interesting that few women in public office admit to ever having had an abortion. Certainly we don't hear of either Republican or Democrat women freely sharing that information. Is it possible that none of the female Democrat senators, congresswomen or lobbyists have never aborted? The Guttmacher institute says that 1 in 3 women ages 40+ have aborted. It is unlikely that there are no govt leaders that have aborted. Then why don't we hear about it. As a post abortive woman I know that there is shame, guilt and regret in having once aborted my child. But I am now pro life and acknowledge that life is sacred and that Planned Parenthood is feeding women lies. But we would assume that if the experience of abortion is as liberating and freeing as the pro choice women's movement would want you to believe...why aren't more women making their happy, fulfilling, abortions known. If it is such a RIGHT OF PASSAGE for women and there is no stigma then where are the post abortive and PROUD Democrat political women? I am guessing that although they promote the practice they don't want to be known as a woman who would walk that path. Just wondering what the Democrat party would have said if the VP candidate was a Republican post abortive women with a down syndrome child. I suspect she would have been extremely harassed but the Democrat post abortive woman would be praised.....

When Will it End?

2008-09-30T19:19:00.000-07:00

I am feeling a little blue tonight for some reason. I guess it is because I am so aware that this election could offer so much hope or a turn for the worse regarding abortion. It saddens me to think of the women that will continue to choose abortion due to not being exposed to the truth. The voices of the choice movement are so loud and the voices of the pro life movement are constantly silenced. I wish someone would have spoken up loudly enough when I walked into the abortion clinic. No one was there to protest. No one was there to challenge me. Meanwhile, young women are walking out of the clinics everyday believing that their CHOICE will give them freedom. What they won't know until it hits them like a ton of bricks is that they may be met with a huge amount of grief, regret, and dread. They may never forgive themselves. They don't know (unless someone tells them) that they not only will crave that baby but will spend their lives living with an empty part in their hearts. I pray it ends. I long for the TRUTH to be told and the lies to be erased. But I know this is the WORLD and that so many of us are polluted by it. But in the meantime, I want to believe that I can see a day where all people acknowledge that the Life that God created is sacred and not to be touched. When will it end? I don't know. I pray it is soon.....

NYC! Where REPUBLICAN is a dirty word...

2008-09-28T15:13:00.001-07:00

In Ny if you are Christian, conservative and an advocate for traditional marriage and LIFE you are destroyed by the people who claim to allow diversity...check out this video:

John Piper: Racism and abortion!

2008-09-26T20:30:00.000-07:00

John Piper on Abortion!

2008-09-26T20:12:00.001-07:00

I love John Piper...

2008-09-26T13:33:00.001-07:00

Ezekial and Abortion!

2008-09-25T19:04:00.000-07:00

I bought a bible from the discount bible outlet about 5 years ago. One day (about 5 months after I had been writing in it and reading it) I noticed that the first 19 books of Ezekial were missing. Yesterday at our Tender Mercies bible study we were each given a passage to read. I had the discount bible with me and was given Ezekial 13: 9-16. I had to borrow a bible to read it. Well all I can say is WOW.....I kept reading and reading...because it spoke volumes to me. Now I wonder what all of the rest of Ezekial is telling us and am picking up the other bibles in my house to read.

Here are just some snippets from Ezekial 13: I feel they are so applicable to the abortion issue (especially the politics).

Ezekial 13: 9-12 My hand will be against the prophets who see false visions and utter lying divinations. They will not belong to the council of my people or be listed in the records of the house of Israel, nor will they enter the land of Israel. Then you will know that I am the Sovereign LORD.

10 " 'Because they lead my people astray, saying, "Peace," when there is no peace, and because, when a flimsy wall is built, they cover it with whitewash, 11 therefore tell those who cover it with whitewash that it is going to fall. Rain will come in torrents, and I will send hailstones hurtling down, and violent winds will burst forth. 12 When the wall collapses, will people not ask you, "Where is the whitewash you covered it with?"

The video I posted with Bernard Nathanson supports the fact that the entire pro choice movement was designed to promote the lie of abortion and create an acceptance for abortion/legalization. And here we are 35 years post roe v wade and about 40 years after the conception of NARAL and this 'false vision and divination" is still a very destructive force. However, there is hope...God says he will collapse the walls.

Ezekial 13: 17-19
17 "Now, son of man, set your face against the daughters of your people who prophesy out of their own imagination. Prophesy against them 18 and say, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Woe to the women who sew magic charms on all their wrists and make veils of various lengths for their heads in order to ensnare people. Will you ensnare the lives of my people but preserve your own? 19 You have profaned me among my people for a few handfuls of barley and scraps of bread. By lying to my people, who listen to lies, you have killed those who should not have died and have spared those who should not live.

verse 19 gives me chills....YOU HAVE KILLED THOSE WHO SHOULD NOT HAVE DIED AND SPARED THOSE WHO SHOULD NOt LIVE....so true. And there is something sinister and witchcraft like about stripping a baby from a womb. It wreaks of witchcraft and the devil. Also, he says "WILL YOU ENSNARE THE LIVES OF MY PEOPLE BUT PRESERVE YOUR OWN?" God's people are being lied to and become ensnared. Those women who choose to be preserved promote abortion to innocent people to continue to create a pretense of massive acceptance when the truth is that good people are being caught in this trap of lies and lured away from God's truth...

Ezekial 13:
20 " 'Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am against your magic charms with which you ensnare people like birds and I will tear them from your arms; I will set free the people that you ensnare like birds.

GOD goes all out to save us even when ensnared and even when we have gone through with the abortion. He longed to bring us back wounded and all into HIS arms. He will give us wings again.

EZ 13:21 I will tear off your veils and save my people from your hands, and they will no longer fall prey to your power. Then you will know that I am the LORD. 22 Because you disheartened the righteous with your lies, when I had brought them no grief, and because you encouraged the wicked not to turn from their evil ways and so save their lives, 23 therefore you will no longer see false visions or practice divination. I will save my people from your hands. And then you will know that I am the LORD.' "

Jesus will save us and yet He even shows some mercy allowing those who do harm to witness the truth of the Lord....they too will know that He is Lord. The TRUTH (HIS TRUTH) will set us all free...

Last Surviving Founding Member of Naral!

2008-09-25T14:59:00.001-07:00

Born Alive!

2008-09-25T12:23:00.000-07:00

This video says it all....and was made by GRANNYGRUMP at http://www.realchoice.blogspot.com

Tender Mercies! And Compassion!

2008-09-23T18:57:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I start the Tender Mercies bible study. I am very excited about it. I love the title of the study. I don't know much about it with the exception that there are only 3 of us in the class and we will be at a church in Chapel Hill which is a drive.

I must admit that for awhile (in July and August) I was wondering why the TV and Radio channels weren't discussing Barack Obama's "BORN ALIVE " stance and His strong position on supporting Planned Parenthood and a woman's right to abort. Originally I was really really really happy to start hearing dialogue with the campaign regarding abortion. And i still am so happy about Sarah Palin's infusing the awareness regarding LIFE both via her down syndrome baby and her daughter's pregnancy. But i also find moments of sadness when the reality of the abortion issue is so in our faces. It is so sad to see people denying life and arguing against life but heavily for women's rights to choose. It was a long journey for me but it is clear that being pro woman shouldn't be synonomous with advocating abortion. Many women like myself fall into a devastating depression following abortion. Some committ suicide..others live with an emptiness forever. It is sad to see other women advocating for something that can wreak such torment in a woman. AND it is also disappointing to have the conversations steer away from the LIFE issue. What about the baby? The pro choice groups don't ever want to discuss LIFE. If you bring it up you must be anti woman. Advocating for children is very PRO WOMAN . Advocating to find ways to allow women to keep their children is pro woman. Being angry with people who support killing babies is PRO WOMAN. When I say the subject of abortion being in the media is depressing to me, it is because there is so much at stake. Those of us who call ourselves PRO LIFE can see hope in a party that strongly advocates for life...but we can also see the potential for more lives to be lost if a prochoice candidate is allowed to be our President. Barack Obama is determined to bring evangelical christians to the voting booths to vote for him. He is even bringing a FAITH rally here to NC using such emergent church leaders as Donald Miller to speak out for Obama as being CHRISTIAN. It is not Christian to kill innocent babies. Jesus implored us to take care of orphans and widows. The abandoned unborn children are orphans as well. If we want to continue with God's work we will be Purely Religious and act to save the children. Standing for a party that allows and accepts CHOICE to kill is not in line with Christs teachings....Jesus is merciful and wants them to live...and He wants to ask us to help the women too by not allowing them to walk into a pit that they may never get out of...Please pray for our country and for the destructive legacy left behind by 35 years of ROE V WADE...

Who's Talking!

2008-09-19T18:29:00.001-07:00

So statistics show that 78% of women who abort claim to be from a religion. By the time we reach 40 they say 1 in 3 women have aborted. Since 1973 there have been 50 million abortions. Let's say that 1/3 of them have aborted twice ( I don't have the actual statistics)...well then there would still be 15-20 million women out there who have aborted. Having come out of the closet through intense prayer recently, I am seriously aware that women do not talk about their abortions. And the women in churches would have you believe that you are the only one. I am in a church with 2000 people. So far I am the only person who has come out of the closet to talk about it. I will tell you that the abortion i had was 27 years ago. I swore i would never talk about it with anyone but my husband (who was not the father....it happened 6 years before we were married). I also really know that I am healed through Jesus. So, when I decided to 'come out' i didn't really expect to still have intense feelings on the subject. But I will say that it is cathartic to talk about it. I have found further healing ...And next week I start a bible study called 'Tender Mercies'. I will say though that along with further healing I am also experiencing further disappointment. It is very lonely out here being one of the few of the 15-20 million women to actually be talking about their experience. It is also disappointing to find out that so many women are so locked into the lies of the abortion movement. I have learned being pro life and speaking out about your bad abortion experience is the equivalent of being a whistle blower in a very corrupt company with a favorable reputation. I cannot help but tell the truth but also have to understand the power of the 35 years of lies regarding abortion. I believe if more of us would talk about our disappointment, regret, depression, guilt, anger....we would have the potential to drown out the voices of the prochoice movement arguing ...you have the right to choose to kill. No one should have the right to rip a baby out of their womb. Not many people are talking and we should be hearing the shouts of the women who have now seen the light after being hurt by abortion....not many are talking and some will never talk...some may never be healed because they can't even cry out to anyone....we have to fess up to our sin and move on to reveal the truth. The truth will set you free and the lies will continue to kill. We have to scream out when we hear women like Michelle Obama say 'women want abortions." MOST WOMEN DO NOT WANT ABORTIONS... they want their babies but make bad choices based on lies...in speaking out, in talking we can help to erase the lies and begin to shed light on the truth...let's talk....scream, shout out...THIS IS WRONG ....HELP US TO GIVE OUR BABIES LIFE...

More on Pregnancy Centers!

2008-09-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

So my friend works for a pregnancy center here. Her job is to raise awareness at the universities. This is really intense because I live in a heavy university town (UNC, NCSU, DUKE, MEREDITH, Wake Tech, Wake Forest). But what is so disturbing is that the UNC OB nurse is from Planned Parenthood and the Health Center at the university is advised to refer pregnant clients to Planned Parenthood. There is also a woman on the campus who is radically angry toward Pregnancy support and doesn't want their presence visible on the campus. So people who want to make the women aware of where it go for support during pregnancy really have their work cut out for them. They are usually told that they will get no support from the university and have to work directly with the student groups or students for advocacy......this is so humbling....If the women don't know where to go it is like a scared mouse stuck at the end of a confusing maze with only one exit available...out of desperation they walk through the one open door sure to kill their baby.....This election is so important in November..there is so much hope but also the potential for a political climate that allows further acceptance of abortion clinics showing up in malls where girls that usually have to get permission slips to go on a field trip will not need one to walk in for an abortion or to to bring home the abortion pill to administer on their own in their bedrooms.....with their parents not knowing that their child may be witnessing fetal tissue in the toilet.....and immense bleeding....it is so scary...

Please pray......

Pregnancy Crisis Centers

2008-09-11T17:24:00.000-07:00

I am going to be taking a course for post abortive women called "Tender Mercies". We start on 9/24. I am very excited about it. I am being offered this class through Durham's Pregnancy Support Services (a crisis pregnancy center). I am also planning on becoming a volunteer there.

Today South Dakota announced this really cool program with churches called LAMPSTAND. They are determined to make women know that they have support in the churches for their unplanned pregnancies. THey want to have 800 churches signed up...check it out... http://www.christiannewswire.com/news/834457812.html I will move to South Dakota if I end up not liking NC. I will endure the cold just to live in a state filled with powerful pro life advocates.

When I was pregnant the women at the abortion clinic warned me not to go into a pregnancy crisis center because I would be kidnapped and not allowed to leave. If you go to http://www.teenwire.com which is Planned Parenthood's teen site, you will read all kinds of lies regarding Pregnancy support centers etc.

Currently, women gravitate to the only place they know of to go when they become pregnant (Planned Parenthood's abortion clinics)..If we can just get an army of support for these women and word out of where to go when their pregnancies happen we will see a huge difference in the amount of abortions...

Deanna

Emotional Choice!

2008-09-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

There is so much discussion all the time with how much thought goes into the decision to abort. Most people say ( and barack obama recently said it) that women put great thought into their abortions. i don't think that is true. Is it really true? We seem to claim a position based on conversations we have with people in our lives who may fall on either side of the equation. For me, my family was mostly pro choice. We are hugely influenced too by the people we love.
AND as far as abortion goes i am learning that so many people just identify themselves to be either for choice or life without really spending anytime researching both positions. I also believe that once you are in that position you make your choice from a place of emotion and desperation. So, if you don't spend time really getting some great information from both sides prior to being in the scary position to be a pregnant teen then you gravitate toward the easy choice. It really takes so much more courage to have the baby. I knew that . I knew I wouldn't be strong enough to sacrifice my career and life and that abortion was easier than setting up an adoption plan. And what is really sad is that the churches are still very reluctant to really delve into the subject with the exception of the annual sanctity of life sunday. They just are so afraid to really talk about it..AND YET PLANNED PARENTHOOD has a marketing budget. So when a young woman or teen is pregnant she will go to the only place she knows of...the YELLOW PAGES or an ad in the back of the free voice magazines and walk into the den of death out of desperation. Some may even think that they will get unbiased advice not understanding that the 'clinics' make their money when you abort and lose money when they have to support pregnant women. When we don't talk about it or don't make it clear what "LIFE " is...what the repercussions are to abortion prior to pregnancy then the girl in her emotional state may believe that the ladies at Planned Parenthood answering her calls are the ones who care about her and are leading her toward a healthy solution to her problem. Of course I can say from experience that Godly counsel is hard to get or hear when you are already walking the path to the clinic...the emotions are too raw and there is no rationale...so the CHOICE is already suspect....We need to encourage our youth groups, churches and families to talk about life......it could save a life.

Demotherizing America! Reviving Martha and Mary!

2008-09-08T17:08:00.000-07:00

When I was 19, I totally bought into the rhetoric of the women's movement. According to their message, 'pro woman' means pro abortion. There was also a loud and clear message that you couldn't be pro woman if you were pro life. I also believed that abortion was my total right and would empower me by freeing me up to pursue more 'lofty goals', such as being anything else but a mother. When I had my abortion at 19, I was totally caught off guard with my feelings of guilt, regret and mainly powerlessness. In my deep depression I felt alone and really honestly believed I was the only pro woman post abortive woman to start to believe that my so-called SISTERS like Gloria Steinem and Margaret Sanger were not looking out for my best interests after all. Abortion is not pro woman and indeed not liberating. This past week, Gloria Steinem wrote an op-ed piece regarding Sarah Palin called "Palin; Wrong Woman.." In the piece she says the following regarding Sarah Palin:

"She opposes just about every issue that women support by a majority or plurality."

Give me a minute to respond to Ms. Steinem:
"Excuse me Ms. Steinem, but you are very out of touch with the women of America. If anybody is unsuited to speak on behalf of American women, it is you. Please stop speaking lies regarding the female majority and what it is that you think that we want. You have no clue! When McCain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate, hope was implanted back into the hearts and wombs of the women of America who have been violated by the abortions that you advocated for. With your advocacy through the years, all hope was lost for me and others like me that have been scarred by abortion, that now see abortion for what it truly is: the destruction of another human being, our sons and daughters. The more you speak or claim to speak for the MAJORITY of women, the more you steal them of their life affirming true power. I know now that nothing has empowered me more then expressing myself fully which includes motherhood, even when unplanned. You have DEMOTHERIZED women and America. This week with Sarah Palin representing the true female majority, we finally have been revived and are being resurrected with hope. You say in your piece that you are a "hope-a-holic". What are your hopes? That women will continue to be allowed to kill their babies and go through an abortion that could potentially lead them into deep sadness and regret? Do you hope that you can continue to advocate for women being in power as long as those women only believe that abortion is not an atrocity toward children and women? Ms. Steinem, please stop confusing the young women of America. If they continued to listen to you they may believe that not allowing abortion is the same as promoting STD's. They may believe that the Republican party is still not the party of women. There is a new face in the game and a new leader for us. You can retire now. This woman is relevant and speaks for the women of today. Her name is Sarah Palin and she is a republican mother. No she didn't abort her down syndrome baby. She would not have allowed her daughter to go through the hell of abortion, even if raped. And she wears a skirt, loves her children and husband and has the credentials to be in true power. She is the one who is speaking for the majority of the women, not you. If anyone is the wrong woman for the job of female leadership it is you."

Whew! Hope! When we witness how many children have been aborted and how many women are still hurting, it is hard to have hope. In the story about Lazarus in the bible (john 11:1-50) we see two women whose brother has been dead for days. The only hope they have is Jesus. Lazarus was ready for burial. All hope was gone. They were grieved. I relate so much to this story. The grief of losing a child is very deep. It can linger for a long time. Many of us have believed that the powers that be in govt will just continue to turn their eyes away from the life left inside of women, allowing that life to die. Jesus came and brought Lazarus back to life. Joy and hope filled the hearts and souls of Martha and Mary. I prayed for healing from my despair after abortion, and God healed me through my children. But there will also be a sadness as long as young women are kept away from the TRUTH. This week I believe that the Martha's and Mary's of our country that have aborted and lost hope can now see some light. Jesus is answering our prayers by reviving a women's movement too...this new movement embracing true feminism is also defined as embodying feminine character. We are mothers and proud of it. Sarah Palin is our leader. Gloria Steinem can retire.

ms. steinems piece:
http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/opinion/la-oe-steinem4-2008sep04,0,1290251.story

19 and pregnant!

2008-09-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

The focus on 17 year old Bristol Palin has brought up some intense memories for me. I thought maybe I would give some insight as to what it is like to find out you are pregnant before turning 20. It is so deeply complicated. But in a nutshell when a young woman discovers she is pregnant it is sheer fear and desperation that causes her to abort her baby. Very few women abort because of an intense and happy desire to abort. (ps..check out the studies of David Reardon of the Elliot institute..link on the side of this blog). I found out I was pregnant when i was 19. My mother was a single mother and my Dad was not in our financial picture. My mother also had just remarried and made it clear that she had been looking forward to living on her own with my wonderful stepfather without any children at home. I had to support myself financially and had been doing so for a couple of years at that point. I had an incredible job singing and dancing at Disney. I was most rightly correct in believing I would lose that job and my benefits had I decided to tell them about the pregnancy. My mistake was to have premarital sex and live with a young man. Once I found out I was pregnant I felt that I had no one. And being alone without anyone saying "i will make it better. I will support you eventhough you made this mistake" is all that a young girl is longing for. Her greatest fear is rejection from her family and friends and inflicting disappointment on them. When young women with very little life experience are alone attempting to make this major decision for themselves run into a Planned parenthood that tells them 'this is the way to make it better,' they are so desperate that they believe the lie hook line and sinker. In a nutshell, the little angel falls and runs into the devil disguised as a caring sister or mother. THe girl then hears the rationale from Planned parenthood that this is the best choice and they don't even focus or acknowledge the real live human being living and growing inside. Sad still to admit my family was pro choice and as much as we all love eachother if we are being really honest the support I would have received would have been support in making my choice to abort. I have happily found forgiveness no doubt from Jesus. But the reality is that because of the complexities of the issue young women are given weeks to make a decision that requires mature and Godly counsel. In all honesty, many of us who oppose abortion also will oppose government support or welfare for unwed women facing a crisis pregnancy. It is hugely difficult for the women who choose to keep their babies as well and yet LIFE is the only proper choice. It also takes intense courage to come out with this news and greater courage to go through with the pregnancy when living in a pro choice family. These women need support because the largest demographic for crisis pregnancies are college aged students and minorities. Both of which usually have little financial support. I pray for more acceptance for young women who decide to make a positive choice in giving life to their babies. But look at what is going on in the media right now. The liberal media that is controlled by the same media that will champion women's right to choose will crucify a mother who chooses to support her daughter and the young mother choosing to keep her baby. Sarah Palin and her husband made such a positive statement regarding their support for their daughter Bristol and her young fiance. I want to say "amen' to that. But I also cringe at the media coverage and wonder how many young women today are saying to themselves "i am heading to the abortion clinic because I don't want to be attacked and met with the same venom as they are handing out to Bristol and her mother." Our society is hugely twisted. I wonder if someone can have the courage to ask Barack Obama if the reason he didn't choose Hillary for his running mate was because she was a mother. Or is it okay because she only had one child or perhaps she chose abortion in her past..you never know...but we really need to pray that God is victorious in moving the hearts, minds and souls of these young women that are pregnant today to seeing the potential for a world that is run by women who scream out and say "it is not pro women to allow us to kill our babies."

Why I changed my mind about John McCain!

2008-09-03T15:45:00.000-07:00

I never was intending on voting for Obama. I was clear about that especially after hearing about the born alive bill and his stance on choice. However, I also was totally not excited about McCain. I have been known to stay home or vote for Ralph Nadar or someone when i am ticked off with my candidates. However a few weeks back when I watched Rick Warren's summit at Saddleback it was so clear to me. It dawned on me during the interview that McCain clearly showed a passion and an attitude toward service. It also dawned on me that we have such media bias. Up to that point I had never heard or seen John McCain's personality. The media just gives him such little air time. I was pleased that he answered directly and clearly at the summit. He looked so much more experienced as well. And even though he was 72 I truly got the impression that this was a bold independent man with fresh vision. Granted I still wasn't passionate about him but decided after that interview that I was comfortable voting for him. And I liked his personality. Some of his political leanings are a little too liberal for me but was happy he was clear on LIFE. So, i was content to be voting for him. On Friday i watched TV as it was announced that Sarah Palin was the VP running mate. I literally was floored. I never ever expected such a bold and yet brilliant VP choice. I felt as if I was watching my favorite baseball team who was losing in the ninth inning and someone comes up to the plate and hits a grand slam and we win. I had been in this complacent resigned place of voting republican but losing and all of the sudden there is hope. The selection told me more about John McCain than it did about Sarah Palin even. He is bold, brilliant and not afraid to make a decision that is controversial but the right one. To continue the baseball metaphor i am seeing John McCain on the sidelines like Joe Torre (x Yankees manager) make the most brilliant change in the lineup possible and then they win the game. I am not sure if we will win the game. I am praying we will but I am invigorated and will be the first in line to vote in November. And I am praying that Sarah Palin can withstand the attacks on her family and character. And i pray she can inspire the US to have a conscience.

Fruit in the Seed!

2008-09-01T18:50:00.001-07:00

“A Speedier Man-Killing”—Tertullian (c. 150 - c. 229)
As a preacher and theologian, Tertullian taunted the Roman Empire at every turn, defended believers against the persecution of the state, and often reprimanded Christians for compromising their faith. Famous for his faithfulness (an early developer of the doctrine of the “Trinity”) and his failures (his joining with the Montanists—a group who believed in extra-biblical revelation), Tertullian would not allow abortion to remain unchallenged by the Church.
In our case, murder being once for all forbidden, we may not destroy even the foetus in the womb, while as yet the human being derives blood from other parts of the body for its sustenance. To hinder a birth is merely a speedier man-killing; nor does it matter whether you take away a life that is born, or destroy one that is coming to the birth. That is a man which is going to be one; you have the fruit already in its seed.1

Footnotes:
1
Tertullian, Apology, in The Ante-Nicene Fathers, vol. 3 (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1957), 25. In other translations, see Chapter 9.

Are Women of Faith Truly Pro-Life?

2008-09-01T13:19:00.000-07:00

There is an organization called the Guttmacher Institute. I believe it is heavily connected to Planned Parenthood and therefore there is a potential for their research to be skewed a little. But still pro life organizations also use some of the research on abortion that the Guttmacher institute uses for many stats. One that I really found disturbing is that the Guttmacher Institute( http://www.guttmacher.org )studies claim
that 78% percent of women who abort state they have a religious affiliation.

I am starting to believe that this statistic is true. In the past few weeks since coming out of the closet as a post abortive woman I have observed many of my christian friends in conversations express some kind of understanding for exceptions to allowing abortion etc. And of course I learned that many protestant churches United Methodist, Evangelical Lutherans and Presbyterians still agree that abortion is sanctioned in some cases. I have listened as Nancy Pelosi (who claims to be Catholic)quoted incorrectly the Catholic's view on when life begins. And of course Joe Biden who claims to be catholic and Barack Obama who says he is affiliated with a christian church.They are both pro choice. That one totally boggles my mind but I don't even want to go into it now because Obama is basically the poster child for abortion having voted against the born alive bill.

When I had my abortion I believe that I was totally confused on the subject even though I was raised in a Lutheran Church and surrounded by Christians. At 19 most of my friends at least believed in God and were a part of various protestant denominations but would say they believe women should have the right to abort.

Anyhow, my point is that I believe there needs to be more actual dialogue on the subject of life (and what it means to Jesus) in an effort to have women of faith truly understand what is at stake here and what the bible says on the subject. Here are a few quotes:

Ps 139:16 "Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Isa 46:3 "Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived."

Luke 2:21 "On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise him, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he had been conceived."

Jer 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

The churches seem to avoid the discussion with a 10 foot pole. Even the decidedly pro life churches try to stay away from such a controversial issue perhaps with the once a year sermon on the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. Or they don't discuss it at all but place an insert in the flyer every January. I believe this avoidance hugely contributes to those Christian women walking into the abortion clinics and secretly killing their babies. My Christian girlfriends when in confidence have revealed the following information to me.

One friend told me about her sister who aborted while she was a christian but in college. She did end up marrying the father and have been married for many years now. My other girlfriend told me the story of her christian friend who had 4 children goes to church regularly and aborted her 5th child because she was getting older and was considering divorcing her husband. A teenage friend of my daughter who works for a christian organization is now on anti depressants because she had an abortion. She is in her 2nd year of college. My christian girlfriend told me that she can see how women can have abortions because sometimes it just isn't the right time and it wouldn't be FAIR to the child(death isn't fair either). I am entering an entirely different world here where women claim to be pro life and then abort their babies or they claim to be pro choice but say they are against abortion. Who are we and what do believe? And let's just admit to our own hypocrisy. This is stunning to me. Until I extended myself and started the conversations i assumed 'women of faith' were united in believing in the sanctity of life and were agaist abortion. I really feel that if we develop a close intimate relationship with Jesus we will not abort our babies. We would see them as sacred. Church, religion, claiming the title of christian or 'women of faith' doesn't necessarily guarantee a close relationship with Christ. Prayer and seeking His presence in your life will. Being obedient to His will and truly taking a leap of faith for Him when life is not planned will pull you into a closeness with Him that is undeniable. Exercise faith... In the meantime, remaining quiet on the subject as an effort to be 'politically correct', 'nice' and 'polite' is going to end up leading too many more babies to their deaths.

What's an Abortion?

2008-08-30T15:15:00.000-07:00

I have spent the week telling family members about the abortion I had 26 years ago. It has been exhausting emotionally. I knew i wanted to tell my 10 year old son because he is very bright and would be hearing me talk and would probably look at my book and I didn't want him to hear it second hand. I had intended on telling him in age appropriate terms. I thought I had thought of everything. So, we were in the living room alone with a rare quiet moment. And I told him about the book and told him about the abortion. He sweetly looked at me and said "What's an abortion?" I had remembered talking about abortion in the past with him and my oldest daughter but apparently he had forgotten. So i sort of just stared at him for a minute and explained in 10 year old terms. I then told him how Jesus is forgiving and has forgiven me. I also told him that he was surprisingly and miraculously conceived in the same town that I had aborted. And I had visited there with my husband for just a few days not intending on even trying and I became pregnant with him. I told him he was a miracle because I hadn't been back to that town in 15 years and then conceived him. I also told him that we are pro life and that he is pro life. He then said "what is pro choice?" when I mentioned the term. He said 'oohhh gross"...then he asked me what the difference is between republican and democrat and I just talked about pro life issues because that question is too intense and I wanted him to know what it meant to be pro life. So then he smiled at me and continued to play. Telling him had been weighing heavy on my heart and he just continued to hug me and love me and play. Incredible! Then I went to stir my vegetables and had to wipe a tear remembering how blessed I am with these children....a full quiver of 6.

The Alien World of the Womb!

2008-08-29T07:04:00.000-07:00

I was blessed with the birth of my daughter Samantha 17 years ago. At her conception I had an inexplicable experience. I believe God gave me the experience to leave no doubt in my mind as to the power of life and conception. I was asleep and yet simultaneously very conscious. I felt my spirit hovering just inches above my body and horizontal with my sleeping body (I was laying on my back). I was frozen to the bed and could not move. I then felt another spirit come close to my hovering spirit. I was asked permission for this sweet, familiar spirit to unite with my spirit. When i said YES I felt this intense euphoric experience that was spiritual, physical, emotional. And even though I could not open my eyes (I desperately tried to) I was more aware and could feel more intensely than when i was awake. Then after I said "Yes" our two spirits powerfully coiled together and corkscrewed back into my body entering just below my belly button. The next morning I woke up exhilarated thinking that was an awesome experience. I wondered if i had conceived that night but just waited as the days passed by. I spoke to my girlfriend the next day. My friend is a Buddhist and very new age. She said to me "maybe you had an alien encounter." I laughed and said "no this was a friendly, loving soul that came from God." She told me aliens could come from God. Later that month I did discover that I conceived on that night. Weeks went by and when I felt the kicks of Sam my life and perspective on CHOICE changed in an instant. I had totally regretted my abortion and had worked through much grief but was still perplexed as to a woman's rights. I had told myself that maybe most women have positive experiences so still have the right to choose. But when Sam started to grow i knew i had made a mistake 10 years prior. This powerful active life residing inside of me was unquestionably alive and a gift from God. And yet I didn't come to that conclusion by way of religion. This was an actual true experience to me that was vivid and intense. I started to repent and simultaneously rejoice in God's restoration in me. I knew that He was giving me new life not only in the form of my daughter but also in the form of total forgivenss. My sins were washed away through His love. The months went by and I wondered what she looked like...I placed the sonogram picture on the fridge...I made copies and sent them to family members. I gazed upon her profile at 20 weeks. When she was born I gave my life back to Jesus and was never the same. Her birth was indeed a religious experience that brought me back to studying redemption, forgivenss and the character of God.

I believe that my friend wasn't so far off when she mentioned ALIENS.I think much of the pro choice world sees these souls as aliens. They don't understand how familiar and of our Creator they truly are. And they are not foreign or here to annihilate our world. Yes the world inside the womb is a mystery and might as well be in some other galaxy but it isn't. It is contained within our bodies. As women we are created with the most powerful ability ever..to create life. Life is so 'of God" and of our universe and 'of' His heaven. And these children are truly growing within us but not of us...I can see why some people may feel so diconnected. BUt in spite of the mystery and our incapacity to comprehend LIFE we have to admit the the embryo, fetus, infant, toddler, teen are all human and SACRED....because of that amazing mystery we need to contain and sacrifice 'our choice' for the sacredness of the mystery growing inside of us as a GIFT FROM THE CREATOR..not to be touched or destroyed by human hands.

Pro Choice but Anti Abortion!

2008-08-28T19:35:00.000-07:00

I had a very disturbing week. But it was also the kind of week that makes you think. It started with a tech meeting for a concert we are doing at the United Methodist church. I ended up in a conversation about life and my book. The very sweet man who was chatting with me considers himself a christian and ended the conversation with "yeah but eventhough I am against abortion I consider myself pro choice." THen the next day I looked up the stance on abortion that the Evangelical Lutheran Church has. They also say it is okay to abort under certain circumstances. That made me contact one of my friends who is in leadership at the ELCA church that I grew up in. He confirmed that the Evangelical Lutheran's are in support of abortion. I spent an entire evening shocked by that and the next day very sad. I had assumed that most of the protestant denominations were pro life. The United Methodist Church and Presbyterians are also in favor of abortion under certain and many circumstances. I also believed that the denomination I was raised in was pro life. I have since learned that Lutheran's are pro life however the ELCA is not (thus the distinction). Even the Baptists just renounced exceptions in 2003. I am grateful to be in a non denominational pro life evangelical church. Then on top of which the entire presidential election process and the focus on abortion can leave those of us wounded by abortion in a sad place. I am saddened by the fact that people believe that being pro woman means being pro abortion. Not the case...check out Feminists for Life. I am saddened by the fact that Planned Parenthood uses the word choice but offers very few options or support other than abortions. I am saddened that the entire country is in denial and selfish in allowing human life to be destroyed. AND I am saddened that people can say "i am pro choice but anti abortion." The way I see it you are either or you aren't pro life. If you do not advocate for abortion then take a stance and support life. You can still advocate for women but not agree with abortion and the taking of human life. Trust me there is nothing pro woman about stripping a child from the womb before its natural birth. There is nothing pro woman about allowing women to believe they will be liberated and empowered after abortion. If Planned Parenthood were truly for informed choice then tell the women that they are killing a human and that there is the huge possibility that they could become extremely depressed and possibly suicidal post abortion. If you are pro choice and anti abortion then you cannot stand by and let women abort their babies. If you are anti abortion then you are against choosing to take life. You can't say "well I wouldn't do it for myself so I am anti abortion but support a woman's right to choose." If you believe the child is life and a human then please don't condone death to that child even if it isn't your own. But if you continue to say you are pro choice and anti abortion then you are still advocating for someone to take a human life. That means you are still anti life. It took one kick from my daughter to know that there was someone else residing in my body. We do not have the right to violate another human being. Women should be allowed to choose to be a mother but not at the cost of taking the life of a child.

First Post! Coming out of the closet...post abortion.

2008-08-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

So, about 6 months ago I felt called to write a book. I was going to write a book about adoption. Next thing you know I am praying and the good Lord makes it clear that I have to tell my whole story. I am sure I am not hearing properly. So I pray again and write about adoption. Then I hear the words again...so I figure...well it won't hurt to just write. I don't have to ever publish the book if I don't want to but it will be good therapy. I had told myself I would never ever ever ever ever tell anyone about the abortion I had when I was 19 (which by the way is over 20 years ago). But I started writing. I finished the book on my oldest daughter's birthday. The book is called "To Be a mother" and is going to be edited soon and I will self publish. The amazing thing was the book and my life are truly a testimony to God's forgiveness and grace in my life. I did end up becoming a mother and am so proud to be a mother of 2 children by birth and 4 adopted. I suffered intense depression and was near suicide post abortion but through prayer and the power of the Holy SPirit I somehow was saved.

I am calling this blog REVIVING MOTHERS because I pray that we all know God can revive us, forgive us and offer us an incredible life through His healing. I hope to also work with other post abortive women and women who have suffered great loss or are infertile. I believe we can all be mother's regardless of our past or physical limitations. I am also going to start a forum so we can all chat there in love.